Cozy Paradigms

Here's where you can find me

2009-01-22T09:12:00.000-08:00

I've left blogger and moved to Wordpress. Here's where you can find me:
Enjoying The Journey - our family's ministry website. It'll keep you updated on our life in Moldova.
Mudlark Tales - my personal blog, with tales from chasing my kids around the house.
Broom Huggers - The business I founded and own. It's an all-natural, eco-friendly, non-toxic maid service in the Atlanta area.

Come visit me!

Moving to Wordpress

2007-12-18T13:29:00.000-08:00

**This is a sticky. It will stay at the top, please scroll down for newer posts. As of March 18, my only new posts to this blog will deal with our toxic mold situation. My regular blog continues at Wordpress.**

This blog was my induction into the blogosphere, and I'm very happy with what I accomplished here. But in the last several months I've learned that there are other blog publishers out there, each with its own pros and cons. Several months ago I found wordpress, and after experimenting with it a bit, I found that it fits my personality and needs better.

So today I say good-bye to Cozy Paradigms at Blogger, and I move to Mudlark Tales at Wordpress. I hope my faithful readership (all 4 of you) will follow me there - in the sense of reading my posts there - I don't expect you all (all 4 of you) to move your blogs there...

The end is in sight!

2007-04-10T13:11:00.000-07:00

After **much** ado, there's a new company working on my house right now. (Hip hop background music, me doing a happy dance) The called yesterday and said they were ready to start, and since I'd already obtained copies of their business license and insurance certificate, I happily agreed.

They're at my house now. I'm not. You see, it's not recommended that anyone be home when mold remediators do their work. So I'm at my aunt's house. With my kids, and my hubby will soon join us. The remediation is expected to take only 2 days (only 2 days? I've waited this long for that?). But when they're done, we'll have the added expense of re-testing, putting down new flooring, rebuilding the drywall, and rebuilding the ceiling, though not in that order. We'll paint too, while we're at it.

All that to say, there is (finally) progress. It's just going to take a long, long time to finish.

It's getting Ridiculous!

2007-03-26T14:38:00.000-07:00

The lizard in the playroom was a casualty of blue painter's tape. Or maybe, a casualty of toxic mold. We'll never know. He died though, while trying to escape my kids' playroom and return to the 'mold room.' While crossing to the 'other side' he got stuck in the painter's tape and died. Alternatively, he may have died the moment he poked his little head into 'the mold room' and the toxicity killed him. We'll never know. But my hubby is my hero for disposing of him.

We've now had the mold room closed off for nearly 6 weeks. We've gone through contractor 1, contractor 2 stopped returning my calls the moment I asked for a business license and proof of insurance. Tomorrow we have 3 (count them - three!) contractors coming throughout the day to look at the mold room and tell me what they think. Hopefully one of them will be able to produce documentation that they're actually a bona fide business. We'll see. Right now, I have little hope. I'm starting to believe that my home was meant to have a gaping hole in the ceiling, and this is all just a good way to get us closer to nature by inviting otherwise purely outdoor creatures to abide with us.

Sometimes you have to cut and run...

2007-03-19T13:16:00.000-07:00

We confronted our mold remediation company - we'll call them company 1 - about the hack of job they did to our home. They apologized. They asked for a 3rd chance. We were willing to offer them a 3rd chance, at their promise to make everything right. But, we said, we had to consult another contractor first. At the mention of another contractor, all the blood drained from the guy's face at Company 1. "What!?" he said. "WHY would you want to do THAT???!!!" Precisely, kind sir, because of the reaction I just witnessed. What are you afraid that I'll learn? That you overcharged me? That you did shoddy work? That all your dealings have been riddled with fraud?

Expecting to hear only one of those things (I'm essentially a trusting optiminst), I was quite surprised when we found all of those things to be true. In fact, as I listened to Company 2 tell me of all the damage Company 1 caused, all their negligence, how ridiculously they had tried to pick my pocket, I felt an intense need to sit down. (Really, it was an intense need to sit down on a beach towel with the calming rush of waves lulling me gently to a place where none of this matters.) I think I need a Bahamavention. (Have you seen the commercials?)

Picking myself back up from a hard wooden chair that really has nothing in common with a beach towel, I made some phone calls. So now, we've hired Company 2. We've also hired a lawyer. We're about to start tense negotiations with Company 1. It's time to put on my game face.

And the boxing gloves come out

2007-03-16T18:01:00.000-07:00

We've consulted an attorney. This toxic mold thing has gotten pretty bad. The company that was doing the remediation was unlicensed, uninsured, and they sent some hack to my house who further contaminated the rest of the house. They made the problem worse. It's been a battle. But I've learned things about myself. Things like...

I negotiate better on the phone - it's easier when I don't have to look into the other person's eyes.
My Romanian is good enough to understand someone's trying to pull the wool over my eyes.
It's not good enough to argue well in my own defense.
I have different personalities when I speak different languages. I think it has to do with level of confidence.
I'm more assertive and more thorough when it directly involves my kids. I'll pull out the boxing gloves in their defense.
My hubby and I do a good good-cop bad-cop role. He's the good cop. A nice, quiet good cop. I'm the bad cop. My (former) contractor avoids me because of it.
I can research just about anything.
My (former) contractor (just fired) thinks I know too much about toxic mold. I think I still have lots to learn.
I really can trust my gut feeling. I should do it more often.

100 things about Kathy

2007-03-16T17:58:00.000-07:00

Finally! 100 posts! In blogger tradition, here's my 100 things.

100 things about Kathy

The only things you’ll find me drinking are water and coffee.
And maybe a margarita or bloody mary on very rare (yet happy) occasions.
I love to knit.
But only with natural fibers – wool, cotton, soy, but no acrylic or other man-mades. Yeah, I’m a fiber nerd. And a fiber snob. Sorry. I’m dealing with my issues.
I love to crochet too, but I stink at it.
I find that I had a lot more time for things like that before kids.
I like to read too, but that’s become an endangered hobby since kids too.
I always thought I’d be a professional saxophonist.
In Harry Connick, Jr.’s band.
I met his dad once, and the band he grew up playing with.
They said I could jam with them. But that was the end of it. Sax was in Florida, band wasn’t.
I was never meant to be a professional saxophonist. That was a disappointment.
Nor was I meant to be a professional athlete. I pretended that was a disappointment.
I truly hope my kids never think they need to feign feelings for my sake.
My favorite room in the house is the nursery. It’s pastel yellow with an alphabet nursery rhyme border, and lots of windows.
I’d sit there and read all day – if I had all day to sit and read.
I might knit a bit too, with that kind of time.
I hate wearing shoes.
I don’t like socks either.
I also hate having sand between my toes.
But I’m willing to make the sacrifice for the sake of a leisurely day at the beach.
I’m a seminary drop-out.
During a time of intense Life Issues I doubted God.
Some people thought that meant I didn’t belong with the spiritual giants at seminary.
I’ve learned that it’s okay to doubt God.
I’ve also learned that He’s willing to wrestle with me, when I need to wrestle.
My first job was a grocery store cashier.
I never was good with money.
My next six to eight jobs after that also involved retail.
Most of my bosses learned not to put me behind a cash register.
I still can’t balance my checkbook. It’s a good thing my hubby rocks at that.
I was also a bar-tender. I make a killer bloody mary.
My hubby is the sole beneficiary of my bar-tending skills now.
I’ve been to 13 countries outside of the US.
Only 2 continents though.
I need to see more of the world.
My husband’s probably been to twice the number of countries I have.
I’ve been held at gunpoint in a foreign country.
I’ve been randomly kicked off a train in a foreign country – twice.
Natural disasters follow me when I travel.
Friends don’t let friends travel with me because of it!
I have a weak spot for books.
We could cover our walls with book shelves, and it still wouldn’t be enough.
I’m learning to simplify my life.
Less spending, less stuff. More time with people.
I want to get a law degree. But I don’t want to be a lawyer.
I also want a degree in speech & language pathology.
And to be certified as a lactation consultant.
I’d also like a Masters degree in Eastern European history.
I think someone should just give me that one.
I have an article on linguistic teaching methodology published in a book.
I wrote my baccalaureate thesis on the political implications of Shostakovich’s Fifth Symphony. You can read it if you’re ever having trouble sleeping. It’ll help.
I’m fluent in Romanian.
I used to be fluent in Russian, but no longer, for lack of use. I still read it though.
I think I’d get it back if I needed it.
I’d also like to learn Arabic, Georgian, Gagauz, and Hebrew. So many languages, so little time.
I can memorize complex linguistic structures, but not simple Bible verses.
Anyone want to explain why?
Numbers 37 & 58 aren’t really things about me – sorry. I’m also apologetic and filled with grace.
I’m quick to forgive when the person and the offense weren’t that important.
The closer the person is to me, and the more I care about them, the harder it is to forgive. That even goes for minor offenses.
God knew I needed a hubby who would be quick to forgive me though. And that’s who I have.
I have 2 beautiful children.
I’d like to have more, but I’m truly afraid my sanity would be a casualty of parenthood.
I’d really, really like to start my own business.
In fact, I was ready to start my own business. But hubby’s company asked him to relocate to another country.
So his company won. We’re moving to England in a few months, unless God intervenes.
But honestly, our move to England is probably God intervening, in an effort to separate me from my stuff. (stuff that I love)
It will also help with points 44 & 45.
I think once I get over the shock of it, I’ll be excited.
Of all the countries I’ve been to, I’ve only lived in one of them (outside the US).
And, I’ve never been to England, so that’ll make it 14 countries total. But still only 2 continents.
I’m trying to join one of my church’s ministry teams to Thailand, to work with women who have been trafficked into sex slavery.
But having two young kids at home makes it hard to run off to Asia for 10 days. Go figure.
I never learned to ride a bike. I’m serious. Stop laughing!
I can swim like a fish though.
Maybe if there were bikes for the water, then I’d be able to… Let’s not go there.
I drool over fabric.
But I can’t sew.
I have a sewing machine in my closet.
I paid $8 for it at Goodwill. It’s ancient.
I used to sell yarn and knitting supplies on Ebay.
I still have a floor-to-ceiling bookshelf in my laundry room stuffed with yarn that I need to sell.
And a huge storage container filled with yarn and half-finished knitting projects.
I’m not good at finishing my knitting. I like to start new projects.
I also like to start new books.
I might have a problem with follow-through.
I’m an INFP (but I was in INTJ before kids).
I multitask well with lots of things, but not cooking.
I like to be undisturbed when cooking.
Mostly because I’m afraid something I’m cooking will splatter hot something-or-other and hurt one of my kids. I’m paranoid like that.
I’m also a perfectionist. If I burn what I’m cooking, I find it nearly impossible to forgive myself. Even if the other people eating it don’t notice.
~~Measuring cups are for sissies.~~ I don’t measure anything when I cook. I’m still a perfectionist though.
When my kids cry it makes me crazy. (I’m about to lose it right now – they’re protesting their naps.)
I’m not bothered by other people’s kids crying.
I’m a sinner saved by grace.
I like to argue with God. I think He likes it too – at least being real with Him then.
It’s taken me a long time to learn I don’t have to fake it with God. He can see straight through me.
I also like to ~~argue~~ dialogue with people who disagree with me about faith issues. Something about iron sharpening iron.
On my own I’m pretty darn incapable of anything much. But I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Thank goodness I have Him to rely on!

Doing a bit o' good

2007-03-16T13:42:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gents, I've tried not to stand on my soap box too much with the blog. I don't think it's the right media to push an agenda. But JourneyMama's post today inspired me to say a few words. There is so very much extreme poverty and injustice in the world. Every 3 seconds a child dies from the effects of extreme poverty - through malnutrition, starvation, unclean water supply, lack of access to medicine - that means that while you've read this sentence 3 children have died preventable deaths. Trafficking in human beings is now the 3rd largest money-making business in the world, behind arms and drug trafficking. That includes children being trafficked into sex slavery as well as women forced into prostitution.

One picture I'll never get out of my head is an elderly man in Kiev bending down to lick melted ice cream of the pavement. That's poverty. Of course, there are plenty of people in the world who would be jealous of a meal like that. If you think you're poor or struggling for resources, think again. Whoops! 5 more children just died from poverty-related causes.

So I ask you, what are you, personally, doing to contribute to the solution? You can be a part of the solution, or your complacency can be a part of the problem. Step up, take a stand. Get involved. My personal favorites are NightLight, Trade As One, International Justice Mission, World Relief, and World Vision. If none of that appeals to you, google Servants Anonymous, CARE, Food for the Hungry, and there are plenty of other organizations out there vying for support. Choose one. Choose more if you want. But don't just sit there sipping coffee behind your 17" DSL empowered screen. Do something. One person can have effect transformative change on the world.

Post a comment. Tell me what cause you've been supporting or plan to support. Let the blogosphere know. Your silence encourages complacency.

Parenting help needed!

2007-03-16T12:41:00.000-07:00

Okay folks. Here's the dilemma. All the 'experts' agree that spanking is bad. A good number of parents say that spanking is sometimes the only way to stop a bad behavior or behavior pattern. I don't want to use this to debate the utility or ills of spanking - it's one of those polarizing issues that do little to foster a sense of mutual trust and encouragement.

But, I do want to ask all you parents of little ones out there (where "little ones" means toddlers and preschoolers) for creative discipline ideas. We're all aware of time-outs, but what do you do to creatively respond to bad behavior? For example, a friend of mine won't let her 3-yr old wear her favorite pajamas if said 3-yr old refuses to get ready for bed. I think that's creative! So what do you do? Please tell me specifics! How do you make the punishment fit the crime, so to speak?

Potty training: day 1

2007-03-16T11:03:00.000-07:00

We're about 6 hours in, and so far accident-free with Bean. Until... sitting at lunch...
Bean: "Mama, does Little Man need a new diaper?"
Me: "No, Bean, do you?"
Bean: "Mama, Little Man's just wet. He's just wet."
Me: "Bean, are your p*anties wet? Did you tee-tee in your pants?"
Bean: "No silly mama! I tee-teed in my v*gina!"
Well thank you for setting me straight!
Back in diapers now, by her request.

Me so proud!

2007-03-15T18:48:00.000-07:00

Here he is! My brother is being awarded with a very prestigious military award, and you can read about it here. It's the Douglas MacArthur leadership award. Rock on Rob! The article talks about why he was given the award - from his stellar leadership capabilities with his soldiers to "being at the tip of the bayonet" (I could go without hearing about that part) to earning the trust and respect of the local Afghans. Me so proud. Okay, I'm done gushing now.

There's a lizard...

2007-03-15T11:30:00.000-07:00

... in my playroom. And not a cute little gecko either. He came in through the mold room. Apparently the "airlock" in the room doesn't really keep lizards (or ants, we found yesterday) 'locked' in the room. I suppose if lizards can get through, so can air (and the mold spores)... So, who wants to come over for dinner? Lions and tigers and mold, oh my! (and lizards and spiders and ants too!) Now doesn't that sound pleasant?

And the kicker, we found out today that they aren't insured either! So, the moral of the story at this point, when you hire a contractor, make darn sure you have your own copy of their business license and proof of insurance!

Today's agenda

2007-03-14T12:14:00.000-07:00

Things already completed:

Meals planned for the next 9 days
Grocery shopping done, groceries put away
Birthday gifts purchased for 4 people (you wouldn't believe the deals I got!)
One load of laundry (not folded though)

Things still to be done (in order of priority):

Cook dinner
Clean out fridge and pantry (tomorrow is trash day)
Sweep floors
Vacuum downstairs
Mop swept floors
Fold laundry
Clean out seldom used toys from playroom and either trash or donate

I should be able to do (most of) that today... If the kids continue to nap. I'll update you later.

**Anyone have any brilliant ideas for a St. Patty's day craft?**

Updated Thursday morning: I did the first 4 on the list, but then Bean's fever spiked and I had to rush her to the ER. We're back home now, the fever is down, and all her tests came back with good news. So, she has a virus, but it was so nice to come home to a (mostly) clean home!

Self image and daughters

2007-03-14T06:09:00.000-07:00

I was at the doctors office last week (many times in fact) and there was a woman there with her 8 year old daughter. There's a big full-length mirror at the doctors office that my toddlers love - they make faces at it, wave to themselves, do all sorts of silliness in front of it. But then this 8 year old stood in front of the mirror, gazed at herself, and called her mother over to stand in front of the mirror.

Mom came up and looked at herself from different angles. And constantly as she looked at herself, she talked about her imperfections - "honey, look how big my butt looks!", "look here, honey, I almost look pregnant with this big belly!," "oh my gosh! I had no idea my roots were showing like this! Why didn't you tell me, honey?!" All this to an 8 year old. I think it's a natural stage for girls (and probably boys too) to judge themselves, and specifically their bodies. Is it really necessary to show them how to criticize their bodies? And if mom is doing it openly, she's showing her little girl that this is the right way to view yourself.

In fact, after mom sat down, the girl took up her mom's example and started criticizing her own body. Mom's response? " Oh, sweetheart, aren't you a little young to say things like that?"

I'm not so experienced in giving girls a positive self image, since my girl is only 2. But I'm pretty sure the example above isn't gonna do it.

Favorite song

2007-03-13T15:00:00.000-07:00

What does it say about me that my favorite song right now is the Dixie Chicks "There's No Letter Better Than B" from Sesame Street Alphabet All-Stars? I'd rather listen to that than virtually anything else... When did this happen to me? Come on moms and dads, what are your quirky preferences?

That elusive yellow crayon!

2007-03-12T11:42:00.000-07:00

As per PlayLibrary's advice, I went searching my car for the crayon that's been missing from our chunky washable crayon box since January. I found it, tucked nicely into a safe place... My next task is to figure out what else is tucked away in the backseat, since I also found an empty box of animal crackers (you know, the kind with the string handle - it makes a perfect purse for an imaginative 2-yr old), a long-lost pair of sunglasses, and a kitchen sponge (how did that get there???). I've just been blessed with an hour or so of upcoming quiet, and I can't wait to see what treasures are awaiting discovery!

And a little shopping success story - I picked up a lined rain jacket for Little Man today at the Children's Place - $10! I'm so glad I didn't get the one Baby Gap had on sale for $16.99. I just saved $6.99! Of course, if I'd been around for Kidsignments in February that would have been taken care of already... such is life.

Fun day outside

2007-03-11T18:16:00.000-07:00

One of the big reasons we live in the south is for the weather. And it's days like today that remind me of that fact. Here's a couple pictures of our day today - we had a relaxing morning (we went to church last night - Perimeter has communion services on Saturday nights - awesome night of worship!), brunch together, then we went off to the park, home for a late lunch and nap, spent time playing in the front yard and went for a walk in the neighborhood. Overall, a great day for everyone! Here's E. sprinting up the hill with the kids in my beloved Peg Perego Aria twin stroller (love it!). Okay, looking back, in that sentence perhaps I should have chosen the word "beloved" to describe something other than the stroller - maybe my kids... or my husband... or all them... But I guess that's self explanatory. I still love my stroller though. If anyone out there is looking for a stroller of any type, check out Baby Gaga for awesome stroller reviews.

Click here for your good deed today

2007-03-09T18:54:00.000-08:00

Thank goodness for companies that (a) do good, and (b) have a sense of humor. Seventh Generation falls into that category. They're tackling a problem that most people won't touch - the need for feminine products in women's shelters. You can click here and they'll donate a box of chlorine free tampons to a shelter in your state (or the state of your choice). Go to Tampontification to check out their sense of humor and all that they do for the cause of feminine hygiene.

Volcano Cake

2007-03-09T15:16:00.000-08:00

I found it! For my (late) 8th of March party tomorrow, I wanted to bring this amazing cake that my aunt makes. I spent hours scouring all the places I might have placed the recipe, and then finally just called her and wrote it down. (Think maybe I could have saved time by calling her first?) Anyhow, after she gave it to me, I googled it (and why not?) and found this - it's virtually the same as hers, only with chocolate syrup on top! Who can beat that?

Volcano Cake

Recipe courtesy of Frances Holder of Dobson, a member of Surry-Yadkin EMC.

1 cup chopped pecans
1 cup flaked coconut
1 box German chocolate cake mix
1 1/4 cups water
1/3 cup oil
3 large eggs
1 stick margarine
8 ounces cream cheese
1 box confectioner’s sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 24-ounce can Hershey’s chocolate syrup
12 ounces Cool Whip, thawed
1 plain chocolate candy bar, grated

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Grease a 13-by-9-by-2-inch cake pan. Sprinkle the pecans and coconut in bottom of the pan. Set aside.

Blend dry cake mix, water, oil and eggs in a large bowl at low speed until moistened, about 30 seconds. Beat on medium speed for 2 minutes. Pour over pecans and coconut in pan.

Melt margarine and cream cheese in microwaveable bowl. Stir until smooth. Add the confectioner’s sugar and vanilla; mix well. Pour over the cake mix.

Bake 30–35 minutes or until tests done. Immediately after removing from oven, pour all of the Hershey’s syrup over hot cake. Cool completely. Top with Cool Whip and sprinkle on the grated candy bar. Refrigerate until serving. Refrigerate leftovers.

Yield: 12–16 servings

Source: Carolina Country

Today's ministry

2007-03-09T07:28:00.000-08:00

My floors are swept and mopped, my family room and kitchen are (mostly) decluttered. My guest bedroom is dusted and the furniture is polished. My guest bath is about half way scrubbed. But it's Friday. I like to leave Saturdays for family time, and I'm happy to have the luxury to do so. And Sunday is the Sabbath. So today, I have to prepare my home for the weekend. Or, as mentioned in an earlier post, I want to work for the Sabbath.

So, my tasks for today are... clean the toys out of the front yard, sweep the back deck, clean my shower, do umpteen loads of laundry, tidy the playroom and Bean's room (with her help... we'll see how that works out), plan and prepare dessert for tomorrow's party, and begin the arduous task of decluttering the master bedroom.

It's ambitious, I know. But the good news is that it isn't done begrudgingly or out of "kitchen slavery" as the Soviet posters would have you believe, but out of my desire to create an environment that is calming to my family and provides a suitable 'sanctuary' for the Sabbath. So this is my ministry. Today. We'll see about tomorrow when it comes.

Edited 5:32 PM: Little Man's doctor appointment took 2 full hours, and that was after Bean had a 'needy' morning with lots of attention. After a late lunch for all of us and my first round of antibiotics, I was beat and took a little 'catnap' while the kids slept. For 2 hours. So much for my domestic ministry today. Now, I'm off to cook dinner and throw together tomorrow's party dessert. Oh well.

Party on!

2007-03-09T03:45:00.000-08:00

I'm so sad today's the last day of the Ultimate Blog Party! It's been fun, but I'm afraid I got too busy with other things to participate as much as I'd like to have. So, if I can fit in some bloggy time today between Little Man's doctor appointment, a mold inspection, and lots of dessert making for a real live party tomorrow, you'll see me scooting around to as many blogs as possible. In the meantime, what dessert should I make? Apple pie? Key Lime pie (made with fresh squeezed key limes)? Brownies? I'm thinkin' I wanna do somethin' different... unexpected... Ideas, anyone?

Happy 8th of March!

2007-03-08T08:59:00.000-08:00

How fitting that the 8th of March falls right in the middle of the Ultimate Blog Party! Something to celebrate!

The Soviet regime coined the 8th of March as "International Women's Day" to honor (and propagandize) the image of the Working Woman (working due to compulsion, no less). The poster above (from 1932) highlights the Noble Work women around the world (Soviet world, that is) in the service of Stalin. Praise the working woman! And in thanks for their support of the regime of terror, the working women got the 8th of March dedicated in their honor, for the honorable work they did.

And now without (as much of) the sarcasm... Okay, for those of you unschooled in Soviet (and Communist in general) customs, the 8th of March is a holiday that celebrates women (working women, that is)! Also called "International Women's Day" in some places, it's a holiday that was actually created to inspire and motivate the female workers of the world (and when I say 'worker', I'm referring to the working class of communist societies - card-carrying members of the communist party). It was also meant in a way to balance out February 23rd - Army Day (which basically celebrates the Soviet Man).

This lovely poster is an illustration of the message of the day (again, from 1932) - "The 8th of March: The day working women revolt against the slavery of the kitchen." Note the Noble, Honorable, Flag-toting Working Woman, rescuing the poor, enslaved homemaker from the rubble consisting of a samovar, dishes, pot, tea kettle, etc. Stay tuned in the future for some more humorous Soviet posters 'educating us' about the proper role of women...

But today, the historical significance has been mostly shoved aside, and in most Eastern European countries March 8th is a day to honor the women in your midst. So, in light of that, give a flower, send a card, remember the women who have touched your lives. So happy 8th of March ladies!

And the saga continues...

2007-03-08T08:33:00.001-08:00

So here's the story. I noticed Bean coughing at night and at naptime - basically if she was in her room for any significant amount of time, she coughed. Then I found out (thank you, Extreme Makeover Home Edition) that those symptoms could be caused by toxic mold. I remembered at that point that when we moved into the house, that room had a different smell than the rest of the house and it seems like something was 'off.' The odor had gone away (or been covered up) when we started using the room daily, but I remembered that initial feeling that something wasn't right. So I called around and hired a mold inspector to come out. He took his air samples, sent them off to the lab, and then I got my report - we had stachybotrys in the living room, directly under Bean's bedroom. So, we hired a certified mold remediation company to remove the toxic mold from our 'mold room' (a.k.a., living room) and do the work while we were out of town.

They sent me their estimate and began the work. When we came home after 2 weeks gone, the company had finished their work (so they said) but had to leave that room sealed off until the mold inspector returned to give us an all-clear. I snuck into the room anyhow, and found that there was still toxic mold on the drywall! The company didn't do what they said they would! So they came back, apologized for doing thousands of dollars worth of the wrong work (work that we didn't authorize), and said they'd take care of the problem.

Their phone conversations (in Romanian, which they keep forgetting I speak) say things like, "don't tell the inspector you did that!" and the equivalent of "doh! why did you do that?" They've done some outright dishonest things that make me wonder if we're not the object of some type of fraud.

And the kicker is, today I found out that they let their business license lapse. Their license expired in December. Now, 3 months later, they've just realized it (when I asked to see their license). Sound fishy to you? In the meantime, I'm awaiting the results from my chest x-ray to see if the mold caused any lasting damage... (need I repeat my mantra of 'ewww, gross!'?)

Who knew?

2007-03-07T10:56:00.000-08:00

I just got home from an emergency trip to the pediatrician for a burn! Little Man has his left hand (which is the one he seems to use more) mummified. And I'm not sure the doctor believed me about how it happened...

We were playing this morning in the warm, sunny front yard. Liam has a fascination with doors, so he went to the front door and pushed on it. Well, our front door is made of metal and at that time in the morning it was in direct sunlight. He put his hand there, realized it was hot, and left his hand there while he cried and waited for rescue. I don't think I've ever crossed the front yard faster. But now 4 of his fingers are blistered, and to treat them they had to wrap his whole hand, past the wrist. And all because of the front door. Who knew the front door could be such a hazard? I'll know next time.

Ewww, gross!

2007-03-07T10:46:00.000-08:00

The timeline should have worked out well. We left town for 2 weeks, and the contractors were supposed to use a key we left for them and come and get rid of our toxic mold (eww, gross!). By the time we returned after 2 weeks, the mold would be gone, the drywall would be reconstructed, the air quality inspector would have given us an all clear.

We came back last Thursday. The inspector was scheduled to come shortly after - a bit later than I thought, but no biggy. But then, horror of horrors, I went into our 'mold room' (that's what we'll forever call our formal living room from now on), and found the exact same spot of mold on the wall. So what, for pete's sake, did the contractor do? It turns out they took down a different part of the wall, found no mold, rebuilt the wall, and assumed that was their job - done in its entirety.

So yesterday, the lovely contractor came back, befuddled that there was still mold in my house (and why wouldn't there be, since they didn't remove it?), and did very little work. Today we're waiting on the inspector to come back and tell us the extent of the damage. You can imagine how furious I am. The work they're doing is loud (the machine they use to clean the air while they're working sounds like a jet engine), it's messy, and I constantly feel like they're trying to pull the wool over my eyes. In fact, they said to me that I shouldn't be worried and this isn't a big problem. Then got on cell phones and had a conversation in Rpmanian (assuming that I don't speak Romanian) about how bad it is and how seriously they screwed up. Okay, so I understood every word of it. And now I'm mad. And they work 2 hour days - what's up with that? Who works 2 hour days? It doesn't even qualify as part time! Grr... Anyone else have contractor stories to share?

Somethin' to celebrate!

2007-03-05T17:48:00.000-08:00

I'm so proud! My big brother was just named as one of this year's 13 Army officers to receive the prestigious Douglas MacArthur leadership award! He's hoping the Army will let him attend the award ceremony at the Pentagon this spring, but he's pretty well in demand right where he is now. Anyhow, cheers! Well done, Rob! I've always been proud o' ya, but now I know other people are too!

Cleaning day

2007-03-05T04:03:00.000-08:00

I hereby name today as a Domestic Goddess day. I pledge to spend as much time as possible (with 2 toddlers running around) cleaning up the horrible mess that is my home. After hubby's 2 week business trip, my 2-week road trip, toxic mold remediation, and with a houseguest coming in a few days - there is some serious clutter piling up, and I have to get rid of the dirt downstairs that the mold remediation company tracked all over the place. And I have to track down the company and make sure they plan on finishing what they started... I really want my mold-free house back.

So, no more blogging or emailing until after dinner tonight. In fact, I'll even *turn off* Mr. Laptop! (now that's dedication!) I will limit myself to a) playing with my kids, b) cleaning my house, and c) the required things like feeding my family, changing diapers, etc. But, feel free to comment anyway, especially if you're with the party! I'll be back tonight and ready to rumble! ;)

Man! I love this party!

2007-03-05T03:54:00.000-08:00

This is my very first blog party, and I have to say, it's awesome! I've met so many new bloggers, and I can't wait to meet more! It's been a refreshing bit of fun in an otherwise blah week. So thank you to everyone who's commented - I've been to all of your blogs! And keep the comments coming. I'll be getting around to more blogs this week, and I'll be leaving comments with yours too. It's so much fun to get to know everyone!

Let's get the party rolling!

2007-03-02T17:22:00.000-08:00

Today the Ultimate Blog Party starts at 5 Minutes for Mom! I'm so excited! I just love parties!

Join in, meet some bloggers, and let's have some fun! You'll have to use your imagination for my all-time favorite Spinach Artichoke Dip with whole wheat crackers, virgin sangria, and Pampered Chef's Pizzetta Triangles with my very own pepperoni pizza dip. Okay, so the different flavors represented here may not go so well together, but that's what you get when I'm craving all sorts of things at once!

A bit about me... I'm a devoted wife, mother to 2 toddlers - currently ages 1 and 2, a knitter trying to teach herself to crochet, a worshiper of God, lover of books, friend, sister, a compassionate advocate for justice, a tree-hugging granola junkie and closet chocoholic. I speak Romanian and Russian, have been to 13 or so countries and spent 3 years in Moldova where I met my absolutely wonderful husband. He's the opposite of me in almost every way, and we complement each other perfectly.

I never planned on being a mother, but it's amazing how a blessing so unplanned and unexpected can fulfill every longing I never knew I had and turn me into the woman I never dreamed I'd become.

I've just started struggling through Yevgeny Yevtushenko's novel "Ne umerai prezhde smertei" in Russian (which my husband most lovingly found for me), I'm mournfully canceling an upcoming trip to Thailand to work with trafficked women, and I'm gearing up for a probable move to England this summer (eek!). The ground is shifting beneath me, but I count on Christ as the solid rock to be my firm foundation.

Gone crazy

2007-03-02T14:06:00.000-08:00

After 2 weeks of upheaval, toxic mold, road-trippin' and all sorts of Big Life Decision craziness, I went a little crazy. What's a girl to do when the ground beneath her is shifting and she has no control over anything? Well, I have plenty control over my hair. So not only did I go a bit shorter than usual, I DYED it for the first time ever! That's right - never once have I dyed my hair. But today, I went crazy! I don't think the picture gives a true idea of how crazy I went. But I have naturally auburn hair. They bleached some, put in blonde streaks, and bright copper highlighty things. It's AWESOME!

As a disclaimer, here's my true belief about dyeing hair... I'm against it in principle for so many reasons. First off, God created me, He created my hair, and no cosmetologist can beat that. ..."For I am fearfully and wonderfully made." 'nuff said. Secondly, being good stewards of the earth He created, i think we have a duty to take care of the environment, and the bleach I was smellin' and the chemicals I was feelin' when I was under that dryer were definitely not good for my health or the health of the planet. I do feel totally chemically processed now. Thirdly (and most egotistically), I like being able to tell people that actually, this is my natural color when they ask what bottle it came from (as a redhead, a lot of people ask).

But shazzaam! I look good! And I feel good and have loads of confidence, and that's even cooler. It was way better than retail therapy. Of course, if I'd settled for retail therapy I'd have a pair of shoes or jeans or a skirt or something that would last me for a few years. And I'd have gotten it on sale - because that's what I do. In fact, I'd have gotten all 3 of those things for what I paid for this. As it is, I have a hairdo that will only last me a few weeks and cost a small fortune. I could probably buy and feed an impoverished village for what I just spent on my dye job. And that means I basically wasted lots of cash that could have been better spent on something much more lasting and worthwhile. So in the end, this was a one-time thing for me that I won't indulge in again. But let me say one more time, shazzaam!

New shoes!

2007-03-02T13:40:00.000-08:00

Up until today, the only shoes that have graced Little Man's feet are soft leather Pedi Peds. But today, with wet grass and one Pedi Ped temporarily lost in the stack of blankets under the crib, we put real shoes on him. Thankfully, I have lots of other mommy friends who have used me to liquidate their closets, so I had a perfectly fitting pair of Nikes to let him wear. I think he actually liked it. He tried to shake them off at first, then he walked funny for a while, but now he's pretty used to them.

Then he went outside to the slide on the deck, and found that he could economize time by climbing up and going straight down headfirst, thereby eliminating that annoying sequence of maneuvers - stand up, walk forward, sit down, slide.

Stuff

2007-03-01T12:59:00.000-08:00

I admit it, I'm attached to my stuff. I like my house (I'd like it more if my kitchen countertops were granite...), I'd have a love affair with my car if it would love me back, I think my kids' playroom is awesome, and I think my piano is rock-on cool.

So the thought of making a Big Life Decision that would compromise my stuff makes me pretty unhappy. I know it shouldn't. After all, you can't take it with you, right? But geez, I want to enjoy it! And more than that, I shouldn't be so concerned about my materialistic junk (though it really isn't junk). There are higher things to set my mind on, and let's face it, where your treasure is there your heart will be also. But man! I like my stuff! I don't want to walk away from it all. Gosh darn those Big Life Decisions! I've gotta get over this attachment to stuff, but I'd rather do it on my timeline, not necessarily right now.

First of March!

2007-03-01T11:51:00.000-08:00

Though it doesn't seem that way here in the stormy South East, today is the first of March, celebrated as the first day of spring in Moldova (and Romania). So, to wish all my bloggy buddies a happy first of March, here's a Martisor for you!
Some say the white represents the snow and the red represents the first flower of spring. Anyhow, people give martisoare (the plural of martisor) to their friends and loved ones on the first of March. You pin it on your shirt or your coat, and wear it for 12 days. So here's yours. I guess you can't really print it and pin it on, but it's the thought that counts! Happy spring!

Mourning the TIVO

2007-03-01T08:25:00.000-08:00

I returned home last night, at long last. Another 8 1/2 hours in the car with a one-yr-old and two-yr-old, and I think I could live the remainder of my life without ever seeing the inside of the car again, or ever singing another Barney song.

After an exhausting trip, I came home to an unpleasant surprise. The TIVO has been off for about a week. Apparently our monthly subscription expired and we didn't renew. I'm silently cursing the TIVO now, missing The Unit, Bones, and - heaven forbid - American Idol! Horror of horrors!

The good news is that the mold remediation company finished most of their work while I was gone. So I still have one room of my house sealed off with plastic until an air quality person can check it out, but the wall is rebuilt, the window is rebuilt (though painted the wrong color - a small price to pay for a house that isn't toxic anymore).

Yet still I mourn my TIVO.

Isn't she a star?

2007-02-27T17:52:00.000-08:00

She's fallen in love... with a truck. Papa has a big pickup truck, and Bean's favorite thing to do now is sit in the driver's seat and pretend we're going to the grocery store. Of course, then she finds little pieces of change, trinkets, etc., and leans out the window to give them to herself in the mirror... Hours of laughter.

Grow it, pick it, eat it

2007-02-23T17:37:00.000-08:00

A lot of American kids, specifically urban and suburban, think that food comes from grocery stores.
And that's it. A lot of parents, again, more urban and suburban, don't buy introduce their kids to things like kale, eggplant, and other produce because they don't know how to cook it and they don't think their kids will eat it. A school district in North Carolina is tackling the problem admirably. They've partnered with a local foodbank to create a school garden program where kids plant seeds, water them and take care of them, then harvest the produce and it's used in the school cafeteria. But they don't stop there. They also offer cooking demonstrations to the kids and their parents. They send home packages of freshly grown food on the weekends with kids from limited resource homes. They get the kids involved in the local farming community, taking them on field trips to local farms. There's an article about it here.

They're dealing with so many issues at once, and looking at them on a holistic level. Childhood obesity, malnutrition due to lack of knowledge, malnutrition due to lack of resources, raising lifelong healthy citizens, contributing to the local economy, helping the local environment - it's truly an awesome program. I'd love to recreate it in my area. I'd love to send my kids to a school like that.

Raising a blogger

2007-02-23T05:10:00.000-08:00

This morning Little Man was roaming the house - Grama & Papa's house, that is - and then I noticed an uneasy quiet. All you parents know the quiet I'm talking about - it's the quiet that can only mean one thing: the kids are into something they shouldn't be. So I went looking for him. When I found him (remember, he's 14 months old), he was sitting on the floor of my room, he had found my laptop, put it squarely in his lap, opened it up, and opened up numerous applications - including a web browser with my blog! And there he sat, pushing all the keys. Perhaps he's seen me too many times typing away?

All hail the BBC!

2007-02-23T03:07:00.000-08:00

Okay, maybe that's an overstatement. But, I'm so excited about this story published by the BBC - it's taking on one of the issues closest to my heart, and takes its example from NightLight, who I've been advocating for since last summer, in partnership with Trade As One. Take a few minutes and read the story. It glosses over it a bit, but a lot of what this article is talking about deals with very young children. It's heartbreaking, but the hope that NightLight provides is uplifting. And, the more jewelry they sell through Trade As One, the more young girls they can rescue.

A testament to global warming

2007-02-21T13:12:00.000-08:00

Maybe it's just me, but isn't it nice to have a sunny warm tank-top day in the middle of February? 2 days ago we were jumping into a pile of raked up leaves wearing our coats. Yesterday, feeing the ducks with light windbreakers on. Today, playing on a shaded playground wearing shorts and tee shirts!

Okay, so maybe global warming isn't all about sunny comfortable days sipping lemonade. I know, I know... but hey! I'm going to take this little summer day in the midst of what should be winter and I'm going to enjoy it! (And I'll be thankful that I can spend a few days here and there in the Sunshine State!)

Talked to Rob

2007-02-19T18:08:00.000-08:00

For the first time in 12 months, I talked to Rob yesterday. Rob's my brother, and he's stationed in Afghanistan, doing some amazing things so that we - here in the US - can sleep safely.

I had a 20 minute conversation with him on the phone, and it was truly the highlight of the month for me. I got my first 'personal' email from him last week - he usually just sends one mass email once every 4-6 weeks to let everyone know that he's doing well and tell us about the weather. There isn't much more he can say. But, he sent me an email last week, and then yesterday he called my parents. And, thanks to our little road trip, he got me instead. Oh happy day!

I also talked to his beautiful wife the previous day. She returned from deployment to Afghanistan last week, and is having to manage the struggles of repatriation alone. But it was so nice - to get a personal email from Rob, then to talk to his wife and welcome her home after 12 months of service, then to actually have Rob to myself on the phone for nearly half an hour! There's something about that sibling bond. It doesn't matter how much time has passed, we'll still be each others' biggest fans day in and day out.

Amy Tan: Saving Fish From Drowning

2007-02-19T11:13:00.000-08:00

After all the hype the list of books I'm reading has generated (all of 2 comments, thank you very much!), I've decided to put down a few thoughts about each book as I finish it. And I just finished the only fiction book from the list. (time to add another to the list, only my books are at my house, and I'm road tripping!) Anyhow, here it is.

A wonderful spinner of tales, Amy Tan has not let me down! Saving Fish From Drowning follows a tour group on their vacation to Myanmar (Burma), and to somewhat of a disaster. At once mysterious and riveting, the novel brims with scenery described to perfection, a host of characters well developed and easy to relate to.

It touches on aspects of religion, travel, character flaws, the 'ugly American' stereotype, sex, psychology, and all things shared by the human existence. It also treats the Karen tribe of Myanmar truthfully and historically, documenting in a story-teller mode the way the Karen (an actual persecuted tribe) have been tortured and killed over the years in Myanmar. It is a great tale of travel gone wrong, love realized, love exhibited, and love lost, packed with details that only Amy Tan would weave together so well.

Is my reality real?

2007-02-19T09:34:00.000-08:00

There are things that I know to be true. Like, the sun will continue to rise and set. Nordstrom will continue to be too pricey for my stay-at-home mom budget. Birds fly south for winter. Fruits, veggies, and dairy keep us healthy, while refined sugars, cheetos and white bread will keep us sane. And there are things I think are true. 100 years from now science may disprove me, but I firmly believe that there are substances out there (bleach, ammonia, transfats) that we can relatively easily avoid and that are suspected to cause health problems.

As a mom, isn't it a part of my job to use my best judgment and keep my kids away from the things I think to be potentially harmful? I know that some of my fears are irrational. Like my fear of balloons. And kites. (I'll never be able to explain, so don't ask!) And I do everything I can to not pass those on to my kids. But other worries are entirely rational and it's worth teaching my kids to be cautious in certain situations. What, in that, says that I'll raise my kids to be afraid of everything?

Is what I see as reality actually real? Or are they right? Am I really overprotective and paranoid? I tend to think that my reality is real. That I possess information they don't, and that information guides my choices. Of course, we all weigh the sources out there and choose what to cling to and what to discard. Is my perception skewed?

Am I really a bad mom because I don't want Little Man exposed to an R-rated movie that's packed with fight scenes and murder? Or because I don't want Bean eating raw eggs that could be tainted with salmonella? Sure, I ate raw cookie dough as a child and lived. And chances are, she will too. But as long as there's a chance that it has salmonella, what's the harm until waiting until it's cooked to eat it? Does that really make me a 'scared, anxious, overprotective mom'? Or when I wipe the chemical residue off a toy that someone else has just cleaned with bleach, and I can still see the little slimy bleach bubbles on it - am I really paranoid just because I want to wipe those off before putting it in a 2 year old's little hands?

I'm so sick of the judgment. When it comes from a stranger (which it inevitably does, sometimes), I can shrug it off pretty easily and move on. But when it comes from someone I know and love, someone I see regularly, and they make judgmental comments about what a paranoid freak of a mom I am, it doesn't take long before it gets old.

Changes

2007-02-17T05:50:00.000-08:00

What do you do when everything in your life seems to be shifting? What do you do when you were perfectly happy when the ground beneath your feet was solid but suddenly starts to quake? Change comes in lots of forms, that's why there are so many words to describe it - progress, turmoil, adjustment, development, modification, evolution... Some of them imply positive change, others - negative.

I don't think we can describe the change in our lives until we're on the other side of it. At one point it might seem like progress, then we get through it and realize that it actually caused turmoil. Or vice versa.

I'm in a place where the ground seems to be shifting beneath my feet. All I can do is hold on and enjoy the ride. I don't know where the shift will take me, but I can rely on my stoic yet inspiring husband to be the constant in all of this, and that reminds me how very blessed I am.

As I look into the relatively near future, I see that major change might be on the horizon and I feel entirely insecure. I cling to the promises I know though - "I know the plans I have for you, plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope." Why is that all I see is calamity? There's a lot to be said for stepping forward with faith. Moses did it. God didn't separate the waters of the Red Sea until the Israelites stepped into the water. Surely all they could see was calamity. But at least they had a pillar of fire by night and a pillar of cloud by day. Where are my pillars? How do I know I'm going in the right direction? There's a lot to be said for stepping forward in faith. I just hope I can muster that faith and guide my children well into what looks like calamity. To alter a saying, it looks like calamity, it sounds like calamity, but the right answer must be Jesus!

Here's to hoping I can step out in faith. On my knees today, seeking His will.

We survived!

2007-02-16T05:50:00.000-08:00

All 3 of us survived the road trip, we're safe and sound at Grandma and Papa's house, and the kids are loving it. And, we made it in a record 7 1/2 hours! Yeah!

Road trippin'

2007-02-15T03:39:00.000-08:00

I'm heading out with my kids today - 8 hours of driving to spend a week and a half with the grandparents. Just me, a 2 year old and a one year old, in the car for 8 wonderful hours! (Hubby's on a business trip traveling around Europe - rough life, right?)

Mama's intuition

2007-02-14T04:10:00.000-08:00

Thank goodness for that little voice inside! Whether you call it a sixth sense, pure intuition, or the whisperings of the spirit, when it speaks, Listen! I noticed that my little girl, Bean, was coughing at night and at naptime. There can be plenty of explanations for that, but something inside me said it was mold. ('eww, gross!') So, the mold inspector came out, we dropped nearly $500 for that, as soon as the suspicion came we moved Bean into Little Man's room.

Some thought I was overreacting - was it really worth moving Bean based on a suspicion, when neither child sleeps well when they're together? And is a mold inspection really worth nearly $500? I'm so glad I did it. There's toxic mold ('eww, gross!') growing in the bay window under Bean's room, and the gases are building up in her room. The moral of the story: Always trust your instinct.

So now, Bean and Little Man will be roommates until the work is done. And the work entails sealing off the area with some sort of 'bubble,' ripping out the ceiling, and then ripping out as much of the wall as necessary to eradicate the mold ('eww gross!).

What really upsets me is that we had 3 contractors come out during the summer to look at the bay window and tell us if there was a leak of some sort or water coming in from somewhere. All 3 contractors showed us different 'possible' problems. Of all 3 of them, no one noticed the gaping hole where the siding wasn't sealed to the bay window. The mold inspector found it. And the gaping hole is so big that you can see into it, from the top of the window to the base of the house. Shouldn't a professional notice something like that?

Feelin the love

2007-02-13T14:10:00.000-08:00

Yeah! It feels so nice to be recognized! Us stay-at-home moms kind of forget what that's like. You know, there's no one around to say, "wow! that was a remarkably fast and agile diaper change!" or "hey, how'd you get those floors to sparkle like that?," or the one I'd really like someone to say to me, "you just MUST tell me how you season your broccoli!"

Anyhow, the recognition comes from Owlpress for my I Am post. Out of all the wonderful bloggers out there who submitted theirs, she thought mine was finalist-worthy. I must say I'm a bit confused - I'm not convinced that I belong in the finalist category. And I'm entirely flattered by the warm fuzzy comments from everyone. I feel loved!

See for yourself though, read the 6 finalists, and then submit your vote.

Fight Hunger: Download a cookbook!

2007-02-12T17:07:00.000-08:00

Barilla pasta is giving $1 to America's Second Harvest, a food bank organization, for every cookbook downloaded in February, up to $100,000. The cookbook has 10-12 recipes created by well-known chefs, and the recipes are inspired by favorite pasta dishes of celebrities. There's a picture for each one, and they range from typical family-friendly meals to gourmet style.

Anyhow, whether or not you plan on using the recipes, download it here to help fight hunger in America! You'll have to register (so Barilla can make sure you're a real person and 'worthy' of their buck), but it's painless. And once you've downloaded it, get the word out. Let's make sure America's Second Harvest gets some good funding out of this!

Woo Hoo! Welcome home C.!

2007-02-12T04:02:00.000-08:00

I'm stoked! My sister-in-law, C., comes home this morning from Afghanistan! She's been flying Black Hawk helicopters there for about 12 months, to the day, and in 2 hours her plane will touch down. Unfortunately I can't be there to welcome here - Ft. Drum in New York is a long way away, and it's somewhat inaccessible with the weather the way it is now.

C.'s husband, my brother, is still in Afghanistan, and will be until some time this summer. I'm sad that they're not together, but I'm very happy that C. is home (or will be in 2 hours).

Woo hoo! One home, one more to go.

Inspirations

2007-02-11T17:28:00.000-08:00

George Verwer spoke today at Perimeter. I'd have to say it ranks up there as one of those 'turning point' moments. It was Global Outreach Sunday, and the Global Outreach team (think 'missions') handed out country specific boxes to everyone. You could choose between one of Perimeter's 8 partner countries/regions (Thailand, China, India, Guatemala, Tanzania, Poland, Central Asia, or the Arab world) and the box contains things like a country specific prayer calendar, piggy bank, fridge magnet. It was really well done.

The worship was amazing today - the worship team really outdid themselves, and there was so much energy in the congregation! It was awesome. There was a powerful time of prayer for the partner countries, and after that, George Verwer stepped up. George is the founder of Operation Mobilisation, and a highly respected missiologist and theologian. Come to find out today, he's also a bit eccentric and really fun to be around. In fact, one of the questions he asked today was "Why are American [Christians] so boring?" As he said, Hudson Taylor could walk through the door and no one would so much as bat an eye. George is, by the way, an American, though he's lived overseas for the last 46 years.

He gave a challenge, at the heart of which is a longing for more holistic missions, to adopt one of the seven people on the side of the road. Using the text about the good Samaritan who comes across a stranger who's been robbed and beaten up, he expanded that to say that today there are seven strangers on the side of the world. They are:

At risk children
Abused women
AIDS/HIV patients
the extreme poor
those who lack clean water
the unborn
the environment

Will we be good Samaritans to one of the seven? That's all he asked - choose one. I have a good idea of which one I'm going to focus on. To be sure though, I think putting these issues in this format helps keep all the issues on the radar. By being intentional, we can in fact act in small ways to have an impact daily on several of them. Anyhow, when George Verwer speaks, it's really powerful. And furthermore, it's nice to see evangelical Christians finally taking up the causes that, until now, have been taken up only by (or primarily by) secular organizations.

I shook his hand after the service (I shook George Verwer's hand!). And then when I got home I sent him an email about Trade As One and NightLight. I don't know if he'll find either compelling enough to get involved. But if he does... man, can he motivate people and get them on board!

I never thought

2007-02-09T08:38:00.000-08:00

...I'd hear myself say "don't drag your baby brother around on a leash!" Need I say more?

Ah, the joy of home ownership...

2007-02-08T07:54:00.000-08:00

How nice it is to sink our entire paycheck into a money pit! Yes, that's really what a house is anyhow, isn't it? Home sweet home. Okay, so it is the place I brought my children home to after they were born, and it is where I spend the lion's share of my time and energy. But I've just written a check for nearly $500 (!) to a man who came to check for mold. MOLD! (as something inside me says, 'ewww, gross!')

It'll take until the end of the day Tuesday to get the lab results back, but he just showed me what shoddy work the builders did, and what shoddy work the contractors did who repaired things when we bought the house from the previous owners. (Hint: if you're buying a house and the inspector finds problems, negotiate the price of the house so you can have the work done, don't ask the sellers to have fix it!) It seems like pride in workmanship is a thing of the past! (no offense to you honest hard-working contractors out there. but hey! what's up with those other guys who cut corners - literally?)

But now I wait. The good news would be, 'gee, Mrs. C., with all the water damage from shoddy contracts, your house officially has no mold, no lasting damage, and it's all good!'. (Okay God, did you hear that?) The bad news would be that one side of our house is rotted out with toxic mold (again, ewww, gross!), we have to leave immediately so mold remediators can come in and tear down the walls and rebuild them, and oh, homeowners insurance doesn't cover that type of thing.

So, here's waiting until Tuesday.

Edited 3/15/07: The bad news won. We're still tearing down more and more of the wall and ceiling, and oh! by the way, insurance doesn't cover one red cent of it.

Claim to fame

2007-02-07T18:06:00.000-08:00

Jodi Benson, the voice of Ariel in the Little Mermaid, spoke at Perimeter today and she was awesome! She surprised us by singing "Part of your world" for us - in fact, she sang it specifically for and to a couple of young girls in the audience.

It was a "coffee talk" - an intimate brunch for ladies in the church, and she was the speaker. She gave her personal story, from her rather bizarrely difficult childhood to her Broadway success and beyond, marriage, marital problems, miscarriages, her story of how God pursued her through it all, and gave her a husband who wouldn't stop trying. It was a beautiful story. And she closed with 2 breathtaking songs.

Her story touched a lot of people, and it was refreshing to see how vulnerable she allowed herself to be in front of 150 strangers! It was a great God story. I love those!

Cleopatra Stratan - Ghita

2007-02-05T18:46:00.001-08:00

This is a 3 year old in Moldova, singing in Romanian. For those of you who don't speak Romanian (and why wouldn't you?) :), let me translate. She's singing to and looking for the boy she has a crush on, Ghita, with gems like, "I know you like me too," "Show me another girl would love you this much", or "I waited for you at the door of the preschool," and "Come, but not with empty hands like usual!". Really, adorable.

Super Bowl Fare

2007-02-04T08:10:00.000-08:00

The challenge: to make a last minute tasty appetizer to bring along to a last minute Super Bowl party without having to make the dreaded trip to the grocery store in sub-freezing temperatures. It took some creativity, but I was successful! I did pizzetta triangles from the Pampered Chef Season's Best cookbook, and created my own pizza dip to go along with it. Here are the recipes:

Pizzetta Triangles
Based on what I remember from the Pampered Chef Season's Best cookbook

Ingredients
1 package refrigerated pizza crust
1 TBS olive oil
1 TBS pizza seasoning
handful of Italian cheese of some sort (parmesan, mozzarella, asiago - something like that)

Roll out the pizza crust, spread with olive oil, sprinkle the seasoning and cheese over the top. Cut into triangles with a pizza cutter, then bake at 375 for 10 minutes or until golden.

Pepperoni Pizza Dip
my very own creation

Ingredients
Whole head of roasted garlic
1 can condensed cream of tomato soup (I used Campbell's Healthy Request)
1 can diced tomatoes with green chilies
1 cup prepared mashed potatoes (I used instant, prepared with water)
1/4 c. Parmesan cheese
handful of turkey pepperoni slices, diced
1 TBS pizza seasoning
1 tsp seasoned salt

Roast head of garlic (cut off the end of the head but leave cloves unpeeled, drizzle with olive oil, wrap in aluminum foil, and roast in 400 degree oven for 35-45 minutes, then squeeze the garlic out of the cloves). Mix all ingredients together (with roasted garlic), bake at 350 for 15-20 minutes or until warm.

Yum! My disclaimer - I don't measure anything, so all measurements are estimations.

I can't wait to show up at the Super Bowl Party with my yummy pizza appetizer!

The War on Terror and other such things

2007-02-03T18:56:00.000-08:00

After a 2 week blog hiatus here I am writing 3 posts in one day. I feel the need to comment though on this whole war thing though. It hits home. The day after the state of the union address I found an unwelcome message in my inbox. My brother (who I always welcome emails from) was notifying us that his deployment to Afghanistan (he's in his 11th month there with the 10th Mtn., and he already served a year in Iraq with the 101st when troops first went in) had been extended until June-ish.

Now, his unit is doing some amazing things that no one else in the army is doing, or has ever done to my knowledge. They're out, not on a base, living in a river valley doing some really inventive stuff - from winning the hearts and minds of Afghani civilians by building schools and giving them protection, to searching for Taliban forces and providing security to contractors in the region. What he and his soldiers are doing is pretty amazing, but also highly dangerous.

We were told weeks ago not to send any more mail - he'd be coming home soon. Then wham, a week later, we get this email from him that he's there longer. My first instinct was to lash out at our Commander In Chief. Thank you, El Presidente, for deciding to further risk my brother's life. But, after actually using my head and looking into the issues a bit further, and after hearing Rob's take on it, I think we need to stay the course. Yes, our troops are stretched. Yes, they're underpaid and undersupported. But pulling them out of the hot zones will not make our country or the world a safer place to live. Here's an excerpt from Rob's email:

I just want to say up front that we all believe this to be the right decision on the part of the President and the SECDEF. We have known for awhile that this was being considered, and in an effort to hold on to the peace that we have been fighting for over the past 11 months this is the right choice. We know the area, we will stay in place while our follow on unit, the 82nd, will move somewhere else. So for now, things will stay as they are.

In the mean time, keep all of our soldiers in your prayers. This will be a difficult time for our soldiers, but their strength of will and sense of duty is truly an amazing thing to behold on a daily basis. At the end of the day, we will be fine. As a matter fact, we will do very well over here and the company will continue to bond and get stronger through our continued deployment.

Thanks to all of you for your support up to this point and I look forward to it continuing over the next few months! Take care.

While most of us here stateside have varied opinions about the war and how soon our troops should come home, support for the war is decreasing. There are so many people who give monologues on what we should do. But talk to the troops. Talk to the ones who have come home or the ones who are still on the ground, and see what they have to say about the situation. Every soldier I've talked to who's served in Iraq says that sending more troops is 100% the right thing to do. They're not talking out of selfish motives. More troops in Iraq (or Afghanistan) means more time away from their families, more missed birthdays and Christmases, more missed births, and frankly they put their lives on the line every day they spend in combat. And they're the ones saying, yes, let us do our jobs.

In our day to day lives, that means a couple things. One, perhaps we (we consisting of those of us who have not been to Iraq or Afghanistan in recent months) should stop pretending we know what to do. And two, let's show a little more support for the men and women who put their lives on the line daily and sacrifice time with their families for our greater safety.

I Am...

2007-02-03T13:17:00.000-08:00

I am the carrot top baby born by the cherry trees to a former cheerleader mom and a career-ladder-climbing dad
Who watched her big brother morning, noon, and night and had crater-sized dimples when she smiled.

I am the child who played with legos and barbies and was mortally afraid of dragon-flies and jungle gyms,
Who loved spaghetti and cheerios and especially anything of big brother's
Who stored all his toys in my treasure box
Who dreamed of all things far away and make believe, and never thought she would be big enough to wear makeup.

I am the teenager who sought meaning in music
Who wore nothing fashionable or fun, and loved her comfy running clothes and hated the freckles she couldn't get rid of
Who wrecked her knee playing a sport she only pretended to like and then feigned disappointment she couldn't play it anymore,
Who dreamed of saxophones and flutes and knew someday she would play at Carnegie Hall.

I am the woman who crossed oceans to find meaning and spread the Hope
Whose highest priorities are Faith and Family
I am the mother who loves to sing and dance and goes crazy if I have to draw one more picture of a truck
and whose moments of perfect bliss come when child sized arms need a snuggle and baby's breath is warm against my chest
I am the Mom who loves cooking and avoids swingsets because of an irrational fear and who can drown a day's stress in a warm bubble bath with duckies.

I am the woman who always finds the bright side and looks for the best in everyone and is hardest on herself
I am the person who knows beyond doubt that it'll all work out in the end and then somehow it always does
I am the woman who still loves cheerios and spaghetti, but could do without the barbies
Who still longs to have the Scripture written on my heart, only without the time spent learning it
I am the person who dreams of leaving a legacy and influencing change and is grateful for a husband who keeps my feet on the ground
and who hopes to achieve something whose meaning will endure for generations.

Edited 2/3/07: Oops! I got so into writing this I forgot to give an intro! This is my "I Am...", based on a format found at Owl Haven's blog. It's similar to the Where I'm From post I did last month, but different.

Can spanking really be made a crime?

2007-02-03T12:07:00.000-08:00

I must admit, I've been a blog slacker lately. Honestly, 2 weeks and no posts! Shame on me... On the other hand, in the last 2 weeks I've accomplished quite a bit outside of the blog world (coincidence? I think not...) The good news is that my house is cleaner and more organized than it's been in many many months. My kids have had lots and lots of 'mommy time,' and I've managed to get my 'mompreneur' business idea rolling. Yippee! But I'm back. I missed blogging - really, I did. It may be a somewhat dysfunctional excuse for community, but that's okay.

Since I've been 'away,' a bill has been put forward in California to outlaw spanking. The idea behind the bill is nice - curb child abuse by making it illegal to ever hit a child. And for the sake of our children, perhaps child abuse laws should be re-evaluated and social workers be given a little more resources to do their jobs. However, banning corporal punishment isn't the answer.

My position on spanking... as a last resort, when other means of correction have been exhausted, a child who is able to discern right from wrong in a given situation may need something as harsh as a spanking to teach and correct behavior. I'm well aware that the American Academy of Pediatrics and virtually every psychologist on the planet advise against it. But let's face it, as parents we have to teach our children right from wrong. We have to teach them to avoid things that are harmful to themselves or others. Never in a million years would I have thought I'd ever need to spank the Bean. But I was wrong. I've only officially spanked her once. But she has gotten a mild pop on the well-diapered rear twice. And it killed me to do it! I've been told by moms with older kids that the key to avoiding spanking is being creative with discipline. Perhaps I'm not creative enough. Please, share your creative discipline tips with me. For the sake of wisdom and for my kids' wellbeing.

If you are going to spank, I think the following is pretty well accepted as guidelines: Don't spank out of anger or emotion. Examine the child's motives for their behavior. Examine your own role in your child's behavior (if your kid is hungry and you skipped naps today, you can't expect him to be an angel). Use loving words and assure your unconditional love for the child before and after spanking. Be more liberal with hugs and cuddles than you are with spanking. Vary your discipline techniques - there's more to discipline than time outs and spanking.

Let's go back to that bill in California. What would happen if the bill was passed? Potentially, neighbors, store clerks, etc. would start reporting well-meaning parents for any possible infringement of the law, adding enormous work loads for already overworked social workers and police officers. Spanking, already a taboo topic among all but very close friends, would become even more taboo, leaving many parents without the much needed counsel and wisdom of friends. Would that really help the situation? Honestly, the parents who fret and worry about whether or not it's okay to spank are worlds different than the parents who abuse their children without batting an eye. Changing the law will not hinder them in the least. It would only deepen the stigma we feel when our children's behavior is dangerous enough to necessitate some sort of discipline that will get their attention.

Here's a link to a news story about the bill, and one to NPR's radio coverage of it. All Things Considered had commentary from a woman who was a meditative Eastern Orthodox Christian, saying that though she has spanked her son once and won't apologize for it, she is inherently against spanking. She claimed that anyone who believes in seeking God should be focused on the inner life - the life of the spirit - and that spanking is the opposite of this and teaches our kids the opposite. While I won't call her a meditative fruitcake, I do think her theology is a bit skewed. God isn't concerned only with the spiritual side of life - He's very much involved with, sovereign over, and concerned about our physical lives. He deeply loves our children, perhaps more than we as parents do. And just as He chastens His followers and requires us to feel the consequences of our actions, He expects us as parents to do the same for our children. The Bible actually says "Don't fail to correct your children. They won't die if you spank them. Physical discipline may well save them from death." (Proverbs 23: 13-14, NLT) The rod mentioned throughout Proverbs is the same as the one mentioned in the oft-quoted Psalm 23 "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death ... Your rod and your staff, they comfort me..." The idea behind it is that we are comforted by knowing that God is just and He is in control. His rod is a symbol of authority, and knowing that the authority you're under is consistent, just, and loving is incredibly freeing and comforting. And so it is for our children. We must discipline, and that discipline must be fitting and appropriate to both the situation and the child.

Again, I'll restate my plea from above. Moms and dads, share some ideas of creative discipline you use. Anything goes, as long as it doesn't involve inflicting physical pain. Tell me what you do, and what offenses merit it.

Toxins at home

2007-01-20T12:15:00.000-08:00

You know that wheezy feeling you get when you inhale the fumes from your tile cleaner? Or that little headache that comes if you spend too much time with household cleaners? Or how about that greasy feeling on your fingertips that won't wash off after you use all purpose cleaner? I'm finding out that all of those things are caused by the chemicals in the products. And those chemicals don't just give you a minor headache or mildly irritate your lungs or skin. They actually have the potential to cause serious damage over time.

Things like phosphorous, phthalates and parabens that are added to all sorts of things (including shampoos and moisturizing lotions!), ammonia, and bleach all have ties to serious health problems. They're suspected to have ties to different types of cancers and tumors, respiratory problems, reproductive health, kidney function... the list goes on. And look at what you have under your kitchen sink. Most likely, none of the ingredients are listed. In fact, even if you go to the trouble of getting the MSDS the complete set of ingredients won't be listed there either! Household cleaners are not required to list ingredients. There are some words that can alert us to the severity of the threat though:

Caution: An ounce to a pint may be fatal if swallowed, inhaled, or absorbed through the skin by an adult.
Warning: A teaspoonful may be fatal if swallowed, inhaled, or absorbed through the skin by an adult.
Danger: A taste to 1 teaspoonful may be fatal if swallowed, inhaled, or absorbed through the skin by an adult.

What does that mean for our kids? I've just gone through my house and made sure that I don't have anything that says "warning" or "danger". Eek. And what's surprising is that the worry isn't just about swallowing - a lot of the toxins I named above can be inhaled (at which point they stay in your body) or absorbed through the skin. I always wondered after I cleaned a surface how long the residue would stay there, and how harmful it could be to my kids.

I think the answer is to not risk it. There are enough natural cleaning agents out there that I don't need to expose my family to increased risk. Another surprising statistic (from the EPA): Indoor air is 2-5 times more toxic that outdoor air. I don't know about you, but I was always more concerned with the quality of air outside, worried about pollution and smog. But the air inside is more toxic! (Do you think maybe this is part of the explanation to why newborns get so cranky after being at home all day? Both my kids did it every afternoon around 4-ish, and they were both calmed down by going outside.) Anyhow, we have an immediate impact on the air quality in our homes, and we want, we can change it! The outdoor air depends on many more factors, but why not start with our own homes?

He walks!

2007-01-15T11:55:00.000-08:00

This weekend, while Grama and Papa were fortunate enough to be here, Little Man started walking! He's now choosing it (nearly half the time) as a means to get from point A to point B (instead of crawling). It's so much fun to watch!

What comes first?

2007-01-13T12:37:00.000-08:00

We moms have a tendency to lose ourselves, to get lost in nurturing others - we curb our hobbies to make time for our kids, we curb our free time to make time for our husbands, we curb our appetites to provide for our kids (or we just eat their leftover mac & cheese with a side of applesauce). In the midst of focusing all our attention on others, our own values, intellectual development, social lives, and personality get run down, toppled, and trampled. In placing everyone else first, we give out all we have. Martina McBride says it well in "In my daughter's eyes":

And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart
has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes

That was my mantra in the early days of motherhood. I kept telling myself that mothering was about giving more when you feel like giving up. And in part, that's true. But I think there's another side to it. Two books I've been recently (Scream-Free Parenting and Chasing God and the Kids Too) point out that as parents we have so much more to give when we're filled up. In other words, if we take care of ourselves better we'll be able to take better care of others. I think there's a lot to that. So, to that end, I've started taking time after dinner, when the kids are happily playing together and my husband is around to watch them, to read a good book or spend some time knitting. I know that for a good 20 minutes, I'll be able to do something I care about. And I also know that my kids will see that, and they'll model that behavior as they grow. If reading is important to me, or if knitting is a good way to spend my time, my kids will gravitate toward those activities or similar ones.

Also a bit counter-cultural, I think that my husband should be my next priority, even before my kids. If I can focus on my relationship with him, think of how my kids will benefit from seeing that love in action! I truly believe that my children take a backseat to my marriage. I'm actually sad for women (and their husbands too) who derive their identity from their kids. I see it all the time - email addresses that read "timsmom @ mail.com", I've even seen car license plates that say things like CINDYSMOM. How hard for those kids to know that their mother depends on them for her happiness and fulfillment! What incredible pressure to put on a child. And how sad for that mom, to think that she has completely lost herself in her child's (or children's) identity.

So, to all you moms out there, get out and do something you love. And by something you love, I'm referring to something that doesn't directly relate to your children. Treat yourself. Take a night off. Fill yourself up (emotionally and mentally) so that you'll have more to pour out later, and so that pouring yourself out won't leave you empty. It'll be good for your family, but more importantly, do it for yourself!

Where I'm from...

2007-01-08T10:14:00.000-08:00

I've been reading "Where I'm From"'s, starting with OwlHaven's, and tracing it back through lots of other bloggers out there. It's a neat idea of getting to know people through the sacred and the ordinary from their childhood. It's also an enchanting trip down memory lane that anyone, brought up rural, urban, or suburbs, US, or anywhere else, can do. There's a little outline for it here if you're interested in posting your own. It's based on a poem by George Ella Lyons. So here's mine...

Where I'm From

I am from orange juice mornings and swimming pool days, from Campbell's tomato soup, Cabbage Patch kids, Eggos and Legos.

I am from the cozy, brick ranch at the bottom of the hill with catfish swimming upstream in the gutter when it rains, from Eye of the Tiger on the record player and walking to church to play pool on sticky summer days.

I am from warm summer showers from cloudless skies, thunderstorms rolling in over the field in the afternoon with lightning that illuminates the whole world, the scent of orange blossoms in January, from "the fort" - that jungle of bending, twisting oak trees, once owned by the neighborhood kids, now replaced by a blue two-story stucco.

I am from road trips to soccer tournaments and if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all, from Tu and Gomps, from Rob and Lil and Bob, from the occasional treat of 3 days in summer at the Abbey with its big red barn, honeybees and buffet style dinners with all 30 of us crammed around a couple wooden picnic tables.

I am from make do or do without, chin up, and put on a happy face.

From don't be late for dinner and go-put-some-makeup-on-because-you-look-tired.

I am from hymns and padded wooden pews, monthly communion and behave in church, be on all the service committees we can but don't dare say the J-word (though the F-word and other expletives will be just fine), from God Bless America and the Bible is full of interesting stories.

I am from lots of places for a little while, but mostly from Florida, from billboard-studded trips up and down I-75, from European heritage though no one knows just where or how. From lasagna always made from scratch and brownies always from a box.

I am from Gomp's shock when he asked someone to pass the bread and Rob threw it like a football, from mom singing to Joan Baez while doing the chores and from dad telling nonsense stories to make the kids laugh.

I am from photos packed into the bottom of the wooden roll-top secretary desk and albums yellowed with age and filled with pictures - some carefully placed and others stashed haphazard between pages. I am from humid memories of playing outside, the smell of rain and the sound of a canonball in the deep end.

Wondertime

2007-01-05T13:23:00.000-08:00

I just got my new issue of Wondertime magazine yesterday, and I love it!!! There's a great bit in the letter from the Editor that gives some overall reminders to parents. Take a look at these:

Smile more, your face speaks volumes to your child.
Three things to say more often: "Take your time," "It's not your fault," and "I'm sorry, you're right."
Listen more, talk less - your child is the best teacher you'll ever have.
Care as much about other people's children as you do about your own.
Remember that kids don't learn by having knowledge poured into their brains; they learn by experience and through relationships.
Expose your child to noble people.

I tried the first one yesterday. Little Liam couldn't soothe himself to sleep at naptime - he has a bad cold. So I held him and tried to rock him to sleep. All the shsh-ing and singing in the world wouldn't calm him. So I tried smiling while I shsh-ed - he gazed into my eyes and fell fast asleep. And I really like the listen more, talk less bit. I have a habit of trying to finish their sentences, or stopping them when they complain with an empathetic "I know" (which I've heard Sofia using lately with her toys and in her make believe conversations). But the truth is, I need to be quiet and listen to what they have to say. Because honestly, a lot of the time I really don't know what's going on in their heads or hearts.

So, the moral of the story. All parents, go out and find yourself a copy of Wondertime magazine. It has fast become my all-time favorite publication!

2007-01-03T07:41:00.000-08:00

Peaceful baby! Funny thing is, he sleeps in the same position Sofia did!

Best movie ever! And update on the kids too...

2007-01-03T04:23:00.000-08:00

Last night we were rolling in laughter as we watched "Thank you for smoking." Brilliant! Smart, witty, sarcastic and irreverent, entirely non-PC, and hilarious! Love it. Highly recommend it. Rarely do you see a movie that takes aim so well and drives the point home, using humor to do all the work.

And a bit about the kids... They've both hit new developmental milestones - Liam is (finally!) holding his own sippy cup! He can feed himself! And he's trying (a little) harder to walk. Yesterday he stood in front of me, let go of me and gave me a big smile as he stretched his arms out to the side, like "look, ma, no hands!" He was really proud of himself. And he's finally babbling a bit, no, scratch that. He's yelling. But he's yelling different syllables, and I think that counts as babble!

Sofia on the other hand has reverted to baby-hood. She wants me to hold her sippy cup while she drinks, feed her bites of finger food, pick her up to put her on the couch, she wants a pacifier and to drink milk from a bottle (Liam doesn't even do that anymore!). Of course, the next minute she demands to dress herself and throws herself on the floor in 'wooden plank' mode if I try to pick out her clothes for her. Confused? Really though, I can't complain. She's only 3 months away from her 3rd birthday and she never really hit the terrible twos. Think Liam will be this good too? Surely I can't be that lucky. But, if his temperament is any indication, it'll be smooth sailing!

Mompreneur moving forward...

2007-01-02T10:26:00.000-08:00

Already a good start to the new year! The Georgia Small Business Development Center just called and wants to see my business plan. I've sent it off to them with all the appropriate supporting documents. Now I wait for them to set up an appointment with me, and from there, they'll send me to the bank to get my small business loan! I'm officially on my way! It's just a matter of time until you see... are you ready?... "Domesticize Greenwise". That's all I say about it now, but keep watching... Big things are on the horizon!

A revelation about happiness

2007-01-01T16:35:00.000-08:00

My cousin Stefani gave me this great book to read - Too much of a good thing, by Dan Kindlon. It's a great parenting book - I highly recommend it for parents with kids of any age. Anyhow, Dan mentions a study about what brings happiness - not just for kids but for everyone.

He says that happiness comes from challenges, or things in general that focus us and require our undivided attention. In fact, a study was done with elderly residents in a nursing home. Half the residents were told that they are self-sufficient, responsible for themselves, and moreso, were entirely responsible for a plant placed in their room. The other half were told that the staff would take complete care of them, and that the staff would completely care for the plant in their room. The could relax, rest, and have no worries. The former group - the one who was told they were responsible for themselves and their plant - lived longer and were happier. The premise is that we're not necessarily happiest when we have all the things we want or when everything in life is going our way. Instead, we're happiest when we're fully engaged in something that focuses our attention - for some that might be reading a good book or playing an instrument well. For others it might translate to a challenging career.

The kicker was that the challenge has to be appropriate. If it's unsurmountable, it doesn't bring happiness but stress. If it's too easy it brings boredom. And I'm seeing that now with Sofia. In the morning, she wants to dress herself. Wait. no. She wants to pick out her clothes. She wants control of the entire process - to go up the stairs by herself, open each drawer and choose the appropriate article of clothing from it. Then, she proceeds to up all the various pieces of clothing she's going to wear, throw them at me in one thrust, and then sit in my lap for me to dress her. If I offer to let her dress herself, she throws herself on the floor in a toddler fit. Dressing herself, apparently, is an insurmountable task. But taking off her clothes (and diaper too) and then choosing her outfit for the day is the perfect challenge for her. Or so I'm learning.

I can't figure out how to balance this for Liam though. He gets frustrated so easily. He desperately wants to walk, but won't let go of the furniture. If we challenge him to, the whining begins. When he gets frustrated my first instinct is to rescue, but I guess I need to learn the balance of providing him with appropriate challenges.

I think this will only get harder as they grow older. The trouble is how to motivate them and push them to succeed while engaging their minds and hearts, and at the same time focusing on character development rather than whether or not they were the team's MVP or the class valedictorian.

So, as they grow older, a cell phone or generous allowance isn't the way to make our kids happy. Nor is sheltering them from all pain and suffering (as much as I'd like to do that). And protecting them from consequences definitely won't help. It's all about challenging them and focusing them.

New look!

2006-12-31T17:14:00.000-08:00

I changed my look! (The look of my blog, that is.) A new look for a new year. I've gone pink! Away with the green - that was SO last year... ;-) So, any votes? Do I keep the pink, or return to retro-green? Should I go with the newer blonder model, or stick with what's always been there for me? Okay, my apologies for the melodrama. Is this the blog equivalent of a mid-life crisis? Or maybe I'm just being relevant. So, any votes?

Return to tradition

2006-12-31T11:22:00.000-08:00

Soon, very soon indeed, our family will be welcoming a third generation into our home. Really, the second and third generations are already here - we'll be welcoming the first generation to join us. Eugene's parents will be moving in with us as soon as we can get them here. Their paperwork was approved, and it's just a matter or getting everything in order on our side.

This is the way it should be, and the way it used to be ages ago in this country, but still is in other places. There are practical reasons for it - more hands on the farm means greater productivity (not that we live on a farm though...); the older generations can pass down valuable knowledge to the younger generations - how to nurse a baby, how to make sarmale (cabbage rolls, for all you non-Romanian speakers out there)... and there are relational reasons. How enriching it will be for the kids to live with their parents and their grandparents! In the US today, most kids don't even grow up living with both of their biological parents. How blessed ours will be that they'll be under the same roof with their parents and grandparents!

Not only that, but I'll be able to get my 'mompreneur' groove on. It's perfect - income opportunity, but flexible enough that I can still be the Cozonac taxi service (and rock Sofia at naptime, and be around for Liam's first word, all that fun stuff!). And yet, my mother-in-law can be responsible for the kids most of the day - they'll actually have to speak Romanian, instead of just co-existing with it. And this will be great for my in-laws - everyone knows that being around kids keeps you young. They'll have such fun getting to know the kids. This is really the perfect thing for us.

Almost new year!!!

2006-12-30T11:13:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve, and I think I'll be a bit of a dud this year. Bad cold, feverish, sleeping all day... I don't think i'll be able to muster the strength to stay up all night. Hope my dear hubby doesn't mind. (Sorry, babe, just can't do it this year...)

So that leads us to New Years revolutions. No, resolutions. Sorry - really tired right now. So I think the first is to know the Bible better, and that means taking the time to read it more. Time is a precious commodity in my life, so prioritizing Bible reading will be a tough one, but that's why I put it first. Also, I want to make a list of family rules. My friend Kristin has these posted on her fridge for her family, and with 4 nearly teenage boys, they actually come in really handy for her. They're things like Respect each other and each other's property, Be quick to forgive, etc. They're all backed up with scripture, and they define the tone of the family. I like that. My kids are a bit too young to understand that right now, but that's when it's best to start - the earlier the better, right?

Resolution #3 is a bit more me-focused. Exercise more. That's an open-ended one on purpose. I know that if I decide to walk for 30 minutes three times a week, the first time I fail I'll give up completely. But this way, I can play ball with Sofia, run after Liam, or dance to the Doodlebops - and it all counts! I've already signed up f0r a *free* Dancercize class with my health insurance company (I love Kaiser!).

Resolution #4 is to start my own company (and make a profit in 2007). I'm well on my way to being the mompreneur I've been dreaming of! The business plan is drafted, the P&L statement is done, 12 month sales prospective is done... I just need to take it to the SBA for advice and then to a bank to get my loan! (I'd tell you what I'm doing, but I'm afraid you'll steal my idea... Stay tuned. This is a good one!)

And to end, here's a couple pictures of my little ones.

Little man Liam is desperate to walk!

And Sofi has entered a new age: doing everything by herself, being adventurous outside, and suddenly affectionate towards her brother! (She's no longer afraid!!!!!)

Woo hoo!

2006-12-17T18:07:00.000-08:00

Roll out the red carpet! I did it! Finally, I got the recognition I always knew I deserve! I am Time Magazine's Person of the Year! Come on, I blog. I google something or other at least daily. I have a My Space account (that, by the way, I designed myself). And finally, someone noticed ME! (and you, too... shhhh...) So, where's my publicist? Where's my stylist? How about endorsements? Think Nike would take me? How about Coke? No, I need something more glamorous... Nordstrom! Starbucks! Tiffany's!

Come on! Get real! Was there no one else Time Magazine thought was worthy? Hasn't someone in the world done something greater than the undereducated masses using My Space and You Tube? Is that really the best that Time magazine thinks we have to offer? And do we really need our egos stroked by Time Magazine bestowing some bogus title on the web-savvy masses? Is that what we've come to? That's right, let's satisfy people's need for self-gratification by applauding them for wasting their leisure time in front of a computer screen. If you're going to applaud the masses, at least applaud them for doing something worthwhile.

Liam's birthday

2006-12-14T14:01:00.000-08:00

So, correction to the previous post... Liam did not, indeed, turn 2. He had his first birthday yesterday. We celebrated with our good friends Jennifer and Jack, whose youngest (of 4) also had her first birthday yesterday. Their little girl, Cami, loved the cake. She dove right in and smeared it everywhere, getting plenty in her mouth. Liam on the other hand put a couple fingers into the icing, but it took him a good 10 minutes to realize that he could then put his fingers in his mouth and eat it. Even once he realized that, he didn't really shovel it in as I'd expected. He really wasn't that into it. He had fun anyhow. We kept him up until almost 9:00 - a fully 2 hours past his bedtime, and he didn't notice the difference. I did though - he actually slept past 7 AM this morning. I wish I had pictures from his birthday, but all we have right now is video. When we get some photos from jennifer I'll post a couple. In the meantime, here are his stats from his doctor checkup this morning:

Weight: 20 lbs 5 oz (15th percentile)
Height: 28 inches (20th percentile)
Head: 19 inches (90th percentile)

More on NightLight (and the kids)

2006-12-12T16:16:00.000-08:00

Ambata had their very first sale of NightLight jewelry! It wasn't from Perimeter Church, so it must have been one of Ambata's regulars. We're hoping to get a nice launch here at Perimeter, with full color fliers and events and all, but until then we'll just have a gradual trickle of orders I suppose. But still, one order is better than no orders.

Sofia had her first 'performance' today - the 2 year olds at her preschool did a little choir performance. They sang "We wish you a merry Christmas," "Jingle jingle happy bells," and a couple others. Sofia did great - no tears (lots of the kids cried), she sang the songs, did the hand movements, sat still in her seat... She was brilliant! (except for the little nose picking incident...) I was proud. You should have seen the auditorium though - I think there were more cameras there than at a presidential press conference! It was fun. Here she is last night - hamming it up for the camera.

And Liam turns 2 tomorrow - I'll update on Thursday with his new weight and height. I don't think he'll have any idea what's going for his birthday. We'll have cupcakes and candles, and a few presents, but I think it'll be a bigger day for Sofia than for Liam! I'm a bit worried that she won't understand why Liam is getting presents and she's not, especially with the Christmas tree up and a few presents underneath... Maybe we can distract her with cake.

2006-11-27T12:07:00.000-08:00

And here's the whole gang at Kennedy Space Center

2006-11-27T12:04:00.000-08:00

Immigrants & indignation

2006-11-27T07:17:00.000-08:00

I received an ignorant mass email this morning about immigrants and the language issue here in the states. The subject of the email was "Hip hip hooray! Go USA!" and left me awaiting something upbeat, announcing how Americans had come together to do something great. Something proclaiming the positive impact Americans were having somewhere. But instead, the email did the opposite - it berated the Hispanic population for wanting to sing the national anthem in Spanish, dividing rather than building up our nation.

This country was built by immigrants, and we wouldn't be where we are today without the immigrant work force. The vast majority of immigrants in this country do the jobs Americans don't want to do, they're peaceable, and with a handful of exceptions, they do learn our language. If they want to express pride in our country (their adopted country) in their native language, why is that a bad thing? As this email says, this is a country where freedom of choice reigns. Why shouldn't they have freedom of choice as well? They contribute to the economy, they bring diversification of ideas and they enrich this country's history and culture. Furthermore, thousands of them serve next to 'our' boys and girls to defend this country, putting their lives on the line daily to serve and protect.

As a US citizen, I am in this country now for much the same reason as the immigrants. When my husband and I got pregnant overseas, I wanted exactly what the immigrants want - something better for my children. I didn't want to give birth in a country where the infant mortality rate is higher than that in my home country. Can you blame me? If not, can you blame them? If anything, we should be thankful that the Hispanic population loves this country enough that they have a desire to sing our national anthem in the language closest to their heart. Who are we to criticize their dedication to our (our being inclusive of immigrants) country?

This country was founded by immigrants - more specifically, by conquistadors and colonialists that came in and pillaged the Native Americans. To point a finger at the immigrants is to point a finger at our own ancestors (who do, in fact deserve judgment for much of what they did). Not one of us (other than Native Americans) can claim to be different from the immigrants - we all descend from people who immigrated to this country and worked hard to make a better life. To turn against the immigrant population (who, by the way, work their fingers to the bone daily to contribute to our economy) is to turn against the very values our nation was founded on.

When ignorant Americans who think of this country as the center of the universe make claims that immigrants are ruining this country, it reflects poorly on all of us, drives a wedge between us and does a disservice to the nation.

Priorities

2006-11-19T14:29:00.000-08:00

So, parenting is about giving your children what they need, not just what they want. What they want is for the world to revolve around them. For the people (and things) they love to be ever-present. But what do they need? They need to know that they are loved, and they need examples of proper priorities and values. They need character development, and that comes, in part, from not always getting the things we want.

Therefore, it just might be that my upcoming trip to Bangkok is good for them. Explaining to them that mama's going on an airplane to help people somewhere else, and explaining to them that God loves those people too, will teach them certain values. And long-term, it's an example of how we, as their parents (I include Eugene in this, because I couldn't do this without his strong support), place our values and see our parenting responsibilities. God always first, then our marriage, then our kids. And let's face it... with my kids at their current ages (Liam will be 13 months in Janary, Sofia will be 3 months shy of 3 years old), it's the perfect time for me to go somewhere. Traveling without them will be much harder when they're old enough to remember that mom missed their piano recital or soccer game. Or, when they have so many activities that they need a full-time taxi driver (a.k.a., "mom").

I worry about them and how they'll manage without me for a week and a half. And I worry that whoever is caring for them won't remember to give Sofia her vitamin, or to tell her a story at bedtime, or watch how Liam treats his ear. Or the obvious, that something bad will happen while I'm away. But, I have to remember to trust in God (and trust in others' abilities to care for my kids...), and most importantly, that God is sovereign and loves my kids even more than I do.

Thailand...

2006-11-17T06:02:00.000-08:00

Tickets are bought. I'm headed to Thailand this January, and couldn't be farther from my comfort zone! I'll be there for 10 days, working with NightLight. I'm going with a small team from Perimeter, and there are so many reasons for me to be hesitant! The first, and most important (to me, that is), is that I'll be leaving my kids behind for 10 whole days! I've never left them for a night! Even when I was in labor with Liam, I made sure Eugene stayed home with Sofia until she fell asleep... Then there are the issues about culture shock - I've never been to Asia. In fact, I've never been anywhere except N. America and Europe. It's going to be so very incredibly different. I'm not sure I'm ready for that. And, I'll be visiting the red-light district of Bangkok. That is something I'm definitely not prepared for. I need to find a way to get over my indignation and anger (regardless of how righteous my indignation will be - it won't get anything done) about the way these women are treated and dig deep to focus on compassion for them. As if that isn't enough to consider, I'll also be ministering to women who have been trafficked from Eastern Europe, specifically Russian speakers. My Russian is so rusty, it's almost non-existent. I have a lot of studying to do! Pray that God would bring back my Russian proficiency miraculously fast!

The big news of the day, though, is that you can now (finally) buy NightLight jewelry online (click here)! Use your consumer dollars to rescue women from exploitation!

Parallel Play

2006-11-17T05:40:00.000-08:00

They're starting to play together and entertain each other! Success!

Check out my green hat - my very first crochet project!

Baby-proofing

2006-11-12T16:21:00.000-08:00

I've come to realize that baby-proofing means different things for different babies. For Sofia, it was taking minor measures to protect her from danger. For Liam on the other hand, I think it's making an attempt to protect my house from the baby. We still have the gate up at the top of the stairs. It's drilled into the studs in the wall. But it won't be for long - Liam pulls at it every chance he gets, and I'm convinced he's going to pull it out of the wall very shortly. He can already pull one corner far enough away from the wall that he could feasibly wiggle through if he really wanted to. And there were all sorts of things that I never needed to baby proof for Sofia - the stove, the TV buttons, the lazy susan in the kitchen, outlets that were behind furniture. Liam's favorite past time is to move the furniture. The kid isn't even 11 months yet! I don't think I'll be able to protect the house from him, but if I try really hard, I can probably (hopefully) keep him from doing permanent damage to himself.

Teeth, pulling up, and other developments

2006-11-11T07:21:00.000-08:00

Liam has become such a little explorer recently! He's pulling up on the furniture and trying to cruise along the edges of the furniture. Yesterday he knelt in front of Sofia's baby doll stroller and pushed it across the room on his knees. He thought it was pretty cool!

His 3rd tooth came in, top right. You can't see it yet in his smile, but soon, he'll be a toothy kid! He's eating more than I could ever imagine - up to 12 jars of baby food a day. I've started cutting back on the baby food (at sometimes $.79/jar it gets expensive, especially when you add in formula) and substituting regular table food. I think one of his favorites is scrambled eggs. When you put him next to a girl his age, the difference is striking. The girl (usually) picks up her food one piece at a time, puts it in her mouth, chews, swallows, then goes for another piece. Liam, on the other hand, shovels handfuls at a time into his mouth, doesn't bother with chewing, just continually shovels, occasionally chews, and somehow manages to swallow.
Sofia is doing better with him - she went through a phase where she was afraid of him. But she's much better now. She still gets upset when he goes for one of her toys, but what do you expect from a 2-year old? Now they entertain each other - they laugh at each other, make faces - it's fun to watch. And it makes my job a lot easier. I don't have to be their entertainer. And Sofia still isn't much of an eater, except when it comes to corn on the cob or pomegranates (go figure!).

2006-11-08T06:49:00.000-08:00

Here are the kids at the pumpkin patch, edited with Picasa. We tried to get a picture of Sofia kissing Liam's head, but she was pretty quick - she'd kiss and run!

Halloween & developments

2006-11-08T06:38:00.000-08:00

This was the first Halloween that Sofia was old enough to enjoy, and enjoy it she did! Now a week later she's still asking to put on her costume and go trick-or-treating. We went around the neighborhood with the Kinker family - Jack and Ben and mom Hollie. It was good for me - Hollie's a good role model as far as mothering goes. I would have just told Sofia to say 'trick-or-treat' and 'thank you' - but Hollie (how wise is she!) told the kids to look everyone in the eye when they speak to them! So, by the end of the evening, Sofia was looking each person in the eye, saying her trick-or-treat and thank you, and then bye-bye with a wave, all on her own! I'm probably biased, but I think that makes her a child prodigy. So, here is a family picture from Halloween (check out Sofia's cute bumble-bee costume and Liam's little pumpkin outfit!), a picture of Sofia with Jack and Ben Kinker.

Poor Liam had an ear infection for Halloween. The doctor put him on amoxicillin - I had some issues with that, but how am I supposed to know what's best - but the ear infection never really cleared up. So now, we saw the doctor again yesterday and Liam's on a new antibiotic. This antibiotic cost us $100! I'm not even sure that he should be on antibiotics for the ear infections. But the information out there is so confusing! I re-iterated that I don't want him on medicine unless we're sure that it's necessary, and the doc said it was. And since I do like this doctor (the one who told me Liam had a big head, and by the so does mom), I'll take his word for it. Liam does seem a little better today than he was yesterday. So, stats on the kids:

Liam: 20 lbs 7 oz
Sofia: 25 lbs 2 oz
(notice - less than 5 lbs difference between them!)

National identity

2006-10-24T17:21:00.000-07:00

Identities are funny things. It seems that the more secure we are in our identity, the less need we have to display it. Think about it, the quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons would not paste Falcons memorabilia over his car - but a fan would, trying to identify with the Falcons. The more secure we are in our identities, the less need we feel to advertise for them. The understanding is that those who are close to us already know our identity, and theirs are the opinions that are important. Our identity is central to how we see ourselves, but everyone places different importance on different aspects of their identity.

Nationalities are a funny thing too - they're part of our identity, but function differently to different people. My husband just became a US citizen. That means that he's now an American. At the same time, if I were to become a Moldovan citizen (his nationality), I would probably never be considered a "Moldovan" - just like if I were to become a Russian citizen or a French citizen I would never be considered Russian or French. And I think that's because I didn't take part in their shared history. It is the shared history that solidifies a culture, and most nationalities are protective of their shared history - they take pride in their national struggles and triumphs. America is different because the nation's cultural identity is that of a melting pot - all are welcome, all can call it home, and the countries' identity lies purely in its diversity. How I wish some days that I could be a Moldovan... (with, of course, all the privileges of an American...) They hold a type of pride in what they've survived, and what they've triumphed over, and I cannot share in that. I'll always be an outsider there, even if I were to live out the rest of my days there.

Working for the Sabbath

2006-10-11T08:46:00.000-07:00

It's true. Many Christians think that the commandment to observe the Sabbath and make it holy doesn't count anymore. In fact when pressed, you might find that they actually believe in the 9 commandments. Observing the Sabbath is inconvenient, counter-cultural, and can seem like a waste of time in our task-oriented society. Businesses like Chick Fil A, Hobby Lobby (and I'm sure there are others) are closed on Sundays, and they're not hurting for profits. But they're in the minority.

We've been looking at the Sabbath at Perimeter, both in Sunday's sermon and in our current discipleship track. I've been convicted. I don't think I've ever observed the Sabbath, at least not the way I should. Sure, there have been Sundays when I've sat around on my lazy tush - but that wasn't to make it holy, it was just to be lazy. So what does it mean to make it holy? Randy Pope talks about not just getting off the treadmil, but walking over the window and gazing out at God's glory, and resting in that. It's a time to reconnect with God and set it aside for Him. Often, there are too many things ocupying my mind on Sundays and too many tasks to be done for me to focus on Him. Someone brought up the idea of working six days not just to keep up with work, but actually working towards Sunday, so that the Sabbath can be made holy without distractions. (We won't get into debates here about what day of the week the Sabbath is...) I kind of like that idea. It means that when I'm scrubbing my floors or toilets I'm actually doing it to the glory of God so that it won't distract me on the Sabbath. It gives whole new meaning to the menial tasks I do every day.

Working six days for the Sabbath gives purpose and motivation. And it clears the Sabbath for a focus on God. Another point Randy brought up in his sermon is that when we do observe the Sabbath - even when on vacation or when other things try to get in the way - we actually influence the next generation to do the same. If every time we go on vacation we skip church on Sundays and just carry on like the Sabbath is just another day, then our kids will likely adopt a laissez faire attitude to church when they have the opportunity to make their own choices. But when we stand for something, and make sacrifices for it, it impacts our kids long term. So, with that said, i have some work to do for the Sabbath.

Time to re-evaluate

2006-10-09T11:20:00.000-07:00

It's recently come to my attention that I haven't been doing the things I love lately. In fact, I haven't been doing much at all. I think it's a combination of time management problems, lack of motivation, and pure unadulturated laziness. I have plenty of interesting, creative things I could spend my time doing. Like reading one of the 6 books I'm in the middle of. Or finishing some of the knitting projects sitting lonely on random shelves and in random baskets. Or, inventorying and working on selling the vast collection of jewelry from Night Light Bangkok that's sitting in my laundry room.

I complain that I don't have time to do those things. But is that really the truth? I spent half an hour yesterday doing Sudoku. An hour last night watching TV. Most days I spend more time doing unproductive things like that. Of course, in the meantime I also neglect my cleaning projects. I've had all the supplies for a week to re-grout my shower. Not the most fun task in the world, but it'll be beautiful when it's done!

So, where does my motivation come from, and why can't I find it when I have down time (like right now...)? Sleepiness definitely gets in the way. But something like knitting would be so cathartic! Reading might put me to sleep, but I could use this time to do plenty of other things. Right? Just a couple weeks ago I re-organized my life. I did my closets, managed some spring cleaning (in the fall), bought a new organizer, and actually started making lists and dividing up my regular cleaning tasks throughout the week. Unfortunately follow-through isn't my strong point. I could blame motherhood for that, but isn't that a cop out? I know women who homeschool their kids, keep their house in order, and still manage to bake cookies from scratch. I guess I just have to recognize that's not me. I was never a domestic goddess, and no matter how hard I try I'll probably never be. But I can strive to do better. I can hope to become the Proverbs 31 wife. (And my husband probably hopes for that too!) :)

And since when does motherhood mean giving up so much of myself that I fade into the background and become a mere window through which people see only my kids? That's so not what I want to be. If I'm going to fade and let someone else shine through, that should be Jesus, not my kids. I still believe that I cannot place my identity in my kids - it puts too much pressure on them to perform and misplaces my priorities. So then, the next time I have downtime (which, hopefully will be as soon as I submit this post), I'll find myself some yarn and needles and continue that cardigan I started for Liam. After, of course, I fold the laundry and have some personal worship time...

Dilemma

2006-09-27T18:18:00.000-07:00

I have a terrible dilemma. I've been slighted by someone in a position of power above someone I care deeply about. I want to act like a toddler, beat my fists against a wall, and ensure this person knows how angry I am. But that would be immature, and counter-productive. The better idea would be to take on a southern-belle-etiquette-slash- sarcastic-with-a-smile attitude (think Emily Gilmore from the gilmore girls). Unfortunately, that's never been my style. And if I try it, will I fall flat on my face? Maybe I should just get over it and move on. I suppose that would be the mature thing to do. But can't I accidentally slip laxatives into his gin or something? And then throw a toddler-style fit.

Now, moving on... I'm a big girl and I have no need for grudges. Anyhow, Liam had his first hair cut - isn't he cute?! At least now people won't laugh at him so much.

Hydrocephalus

2006-09-27T05:39:00.000-07:00

Wow it's been a while since I've posted! Last week we were faced with a CAT scan for Liam - only 9 months old! - to rule out hydrocephalus and brain tumors. Iti inchipui? So, the first part of the week was awful - I went through a million scenarios in my mind. I worried and worried about the CAT scan. All the information I had said that Liam would have to be aenesthetized. He had just given blood and that was hard enough. I didn't want to watch the nurse insert an IV and then have to watch his little eyes slowly close as he went under.

Well, perfect baby that he is, the nurse tried to do the scan without aenesthesia, and he stayed perfectly still! Again, iti inchipui? (Can you imagine? - romanian) I stood outside the room and prayed like mad, and he layed perfectly still while they did the scan. No need to medicate that kid! And, hours later, I called the doctor for the results, and they confirmed that Liam has a big, healthy head.

While all this was going on, I learned more about hydrocephalus. As it turns out, congenital hydrocephalus is usually because of a problem that occurs in utero. They try to catch it by the time the baby is 4-9 months, and with the use of a shunt and when caught early, most babies grow up to live relatively normal lives with very little long term brain damage. It is very treatable and manageable.

I also thought a lot about how I would explain it to Sofia if Liam did indeed need treatment. I finally decided, and this was a difficult topic to think about, that I would teach her that all things are created by God - she is, Liam is, the trees and butterflies, popsickles, and Larry the cucumber... But even hydrocephalus is created by God. Contrary to what most people would tell you, it isn't a disease or a birth defect, because God didn't make a mistake. And, in God's eyes, hydrocephalus is a blessing. We may never understand how, but God's ways are not our ways and his thoughts are not our thoughts. But if we truly believe that He created all things out of a void, than we must believe that even illnesses, tumors, and what we would call birth defects are all created by an all-loving, sovereign God who doesn't make mistakes. And the things that we see as ailments or 'thorns' in our side as Paul said, very well may be designed by God to bless us. The hard thing about that is that when you're going through it, I don't know how you'd look at the struggles, losses, and pain as blessing. But I have to believe (and maybe it's easier for me because I haven't been there) that even things that may seem like curses are actually blessings.

By the time we had the scan, I was at peace with the situation, and had decided that if God had designed Liam with hydrocephalus, we would cope with and use his weakness to bind the family together and grow together. I praise God that he's healthy though, and I can only hope that a hydrocephalus scare is the biggest issue we have to deal with for a long time.

Discipline

2006-09-19T13:10:00.000-07:00

There was a baptism at church on Sunday - infants, by sprinkling. I won't get into a debate on that, but suffice it to say that I love Perimeter in spite of it! Randy Pope, our pastor, gives a little primer on parenting every time he does a baptism. The gist of it is that as parents our responsibility is to give our children what they need, and what they need isn't always what they want. Specifically, he says, our children need discipline. Without using the actual words, Randy alluded to the necessity of spanking. Their most important need is love, but but if we truly love our children we'll discipline them well - lovingly but firmly.

I've never spanked my kids, but I'm not entirely opposed to it. I know plenty of parents whose 'dirty secret' is that they've spanked their kids before and still use the threat of it to keep their kids in line. I've never had to do it with mine - Liam's too young, and we've always been able to persuade Sofia with rewards ('reward' sounds better than 'bribe', right?) and time outs. I haven't ruled it out, but I'm thankful that I haven't been in a position yet where it was called for (I'm not saying 'appropriate' because the very term 'appropriate' when used in the same sentence with spanking is debatable). Proverbs 13:24 specifically refers to spanking. The OT --> NT theory that God is more lenient and doles out grace more abundantly in the NT doesn't work either. First of all, God doesn't change. The OT God is the same as the NT God. The only difference is that we're now made righteous by Jesus' work on the cross. But that doesn't mean God won't discipline us. Ephesians 6:4 promts fathers to rightly discipline their children. When we look at the character of God we see that He disciplines us, and expects us to do the same with those He's given us charge over. For the benefit of discipline, look at Hebrews 12:11. It's just like a grapevine. Let wild, it produces few grapes, and they're sour. But prune it well and the harvest will be richer and sweeter.

I don't know when spanking would be 'appropriate'. But I do know it has to be done in love. And, all kids are different. I've never had to spank Sofia, because when she finds that we're disappointed with something she's done, she's mortified. She's so sensitive, and the mere threat of upsetting her parents keeps her in line.

And, when you bring something like love languages into the equation, what does that do? For a child whose love language is touch (and it absolutely is not Sofia's, but we'll have to see about Liam), spanking or any type of physical punishment would be absolutely wrong - because it would be using the way they express or receive love against them. So perhaps different children necessitate different means of discipline and correction, based on their personalities and character. But we, like God, should be more concerned with our children's character development than their comfort level.

Sofia is starting to show us some attitude - when she doesn't get her way, she shoots me a look to kill. I think she probably got it from me, but let's pretend she didn't... And today when I picked her up from preschool, her teacher told me she was 'mad' - she didn't get to have a job today. There are several jobs that different kids get to do each day to help the teacher, and when they get a job they wear a special star. Sofia wanted to wear a star. So apparently all day long she was mad, even though she'll get to have a job (and thus, a star) on Thursday when she goes to school. So where is this new attitude coming from (please don't say me) and how do I curb it before it gets out of control?

Mom Corps

2006-09-18T06:53:00.000-07:00

I just found the coolest thing online - it's called Mom Corps and it's a matchmaking service between former full-time professionals who have become stay at home moms and employers looking for non-traditional employees. Check it out here. I'd still love to come up with a great idea and become a mompreneur, but in the meantime, while I'm brainstorming for greatness and coming up with funds to finance my upcoming brilliant idea, maybe I could find non-traditional work in my field. Do you think I have too much going on? (I ask this as Sofia is watching TV - but I least I made her a healthy breakfast this morning and we already took a walk! And when Liam wakes up we'll all be off to the park.)

Of course, the real impact of this website (Mom Corps, that is) is that it circumvents the brain drain of qualified women from the work force. The current trend is that top colleges have a gender imbalance - there are more women seeking higher degrees than men. But, several years after graduation, a huge number of those women leave the work force to raise families. Women are not taking on upper level positions in major corporations because they're choosing families over careers. People like Linda Hirshman say this is because the feminist movement stopped short of its goal. The feminist movement made significant headway in the professional world, but never transformed family life and gender roles. While Mom Coprs doesn't really address that side of it, it does offer an alternative to the current gender imbalance in the workplace. Is it possible that women really can have it all (with the added plus of mopping floors, cooking meals, and being interior decorators to say the least...)?

I'm so proud!

2006-09-17T10:52:00.000-07:00

For those of you who don't know, my brother, Capt. Robert Stanton is in Afghanistan with the 10th Mountain Division (as is his wife, helicopter pilot Capt. Casey Martinez). Over the past week, Rob has had his picture and voice broadcast across America. He's been on ABC world news, Nightline, had his picture on AP newswire, and been quoted all over the place, even with one interview available in audio online! It's been awesome to see and hear him so much when he's so far away! He's done really well with his interviews - so well that Eugene thinks he should go into politics ( and I do too!). So, in another couple of years, when Robert Stanton is running for election for some local post, get out and vote for him! (Yes, I realize it's silly to campaign for someone who isn't running, but the time will come...)

GIs hunt al-Qaida in Afghan mountains
Restraint even facing death
Small fight to build an Army

Preschool rocks!

2006-09-15T13:26:00.000-07:00

So, 2 weeks in, and I'm loving it! The bonus - Sofia loves it too! I just became room mom - the egoist in me wants to think that it's because I'm the greatest mom (you know, I make the best lunches, dress my child the most appropriately, and have raised my child better than everyone else). Of course, the real reason I'm room mom is I was the only idiot who signed up. No, I take that back. One other mom signed up. Then she found out what was involved and backed out. So it's just me.

Anyhow, the point of this is that preschool is the best thing that could have happened to Sofia. (Footnote... If you haven't been following, Sofia started preschool - mothers' morning out, really - a couple weeks ago and she goes for two half days a week.) She picked up a cold there, but that's a small price to pay. And besides, the more colds she gets now, the stronger her immune system will be later, right? She doesn't cry when I take her to preschool or Sunday school anymore! She's more confident, she's more independent, she's more social, and she's not afraid of so many things anymore! It's fabulous. Yesterday she had to stay home because she was sick, but she was really heartbroken that she couldn't go! All morning, she found different ways (and reasons) to ask if we could go. In fact, when Liam woke up after Sofia and I ate lunch, she said that now that Liam was awake, we could go to preschool! I love her logic! What a great kid!

And, now that Sofia's in preschool, I can get things done a couple days a week! So, I'm hoping to get in a meeting with the Business Partners International next week to talk about a possible ministry opportunity in Thailand! If Sofia weren't in preschool a couple days a week, I doubt I'd be able to even think about things like that! I'm still hoping that I'll be able to start up some type of mompreneur-ish type of thing (how wonderfully specific I can be!) Do I really want to commit myself to something again that very well may fail? Am I crazy to think I can take on a whole new business? Probably. But crazy is okay, right? even fun, in small doses at least. We'll just have to see. I think I'll wait on Liam's CT scan before I make any plans.

Plans made. Somewhat.

2006-09-14T08:38:00.000-07:00

I think I've figured it out. Long term plans, that is. I've had this whole dilemma about what to be when I grow up. (See my very first post from August this year for more on that.) Long term vision: To end the traffic of women from Moldova into sex slavery. (Did you know that there are more slaves worldwide today than there were when slavery was abolished in the US?)

To do that, I think I need a law degree. It would give me the legitimacy in Moldova to work in that arena, and the international law expertise to work towards that goal. The problem all along was, how do I do it without sacrificing my family? The women and moms I respect most have careers - but they work from their homes, so they're always around for their kids, and by being their own bosses they can take off time when they need to.

So, here it is... I can go to law school part time over the next 5 years or so. Once I've graduated and past the bar, I work part time for an NGO. After I have enough experience (and as long as we're in the US), I set up office in my home and be my own boss, doing some sort of consulting or private practice. The key is that I have to be content with never becoming a high-powered corporate lawyer earning the big bucks. I'll get my kicks from the impact I have as an agent of change.

Short term, I don't know how to make that work. I still want to be a MOMpreneur and I don't want to wait until I can run my own home-based private practice to do that. So, is there some venture I can start in the meantime and work at while I do this? I have almost a full year before I'll enter law school (assuming my application is accepted). I'll have to think more on that. Maybe I can get something started, and have it running smoothly enough by fall next year that it won't be a drain on my time.

Ambata

2006-09-14T06:17:00.000-07:00

Check out my brand spankin new Ambata clickable image on the right (I did the html code myself - aren't you proud? Look underneath my friendly sheep mascot). Ambata is a super cool website that retails fair trade goods from around the world. This is all grass-roots stuff, environmentally sustainable, and supports the communities that produce the goods. Way better than buying your stuff from places like Pottery Barn and Starbucks. But don't take my word for it - check it out for yourself! I especially like the jewellery and purses!

New concept...

2006-09-13T18:14:00.000-07:00

A good friend and mentor, Kristin, told me the other day that Eisenhower's mother taught her children that each child in the family is essential to the family's existence, to the point that if the child were not a part of the family, the family unit would fall apart. I see this in two ways, really. On one hand, it gives the kids a very strong sense that they matter, that they're important, and that their every contribution is crucial. And that's a very good thing. On the other hand, what kind of pressure does that put on them, and what kind of expectations? Don't get me wrong, expectations are a good thing. And perhaps, when balanced with constant reassurance of unconditional love that pressure might be okay too. I just have this sense that telling my kids that the family wouldn't exist without them gives them constant pressure not to let the family down. So maybe the concept is good, but the wording should be altered. Maybe that means I should tell my kids how important they are to me, and how vital their contribution to the family is. And besides, I truly think that my family's well being depends more on God and our individual relationships with God than on any individual.

On a different note, I put a note in Sofi's lunch box every day. Tuesday I wrote "You're a star." When I picked her up from preschool and asked her what she ate for lunch, she rattled off an orange, cheese, turkey, and crackers, and "Mama says I'm a star!" It really does matter to her! And just this morning I was playing with her on the couch, and had to run to the next room. I reassured her that I'd be right back because... "you're so much..." (pause as I choke back sneeze) and she finished my sentence with "FUN!" Do you know what that means? It means that I tell her enough how much I appreciate spending time with her - enough that she knows it and can say it back to me! It warmed my heart!

Cuties!

2006-09-13T10:07:00.000-07:00

Kids come up with the best stuff! Liam just turned 9 months today - he's taking his precious time on things that Sofia developed early, like gross motor skills and verbalizing. But he has the cutest little 'growl' that he does - he was wearing a tiger shirt yesterday and it was so ironic, because all day long he just growled and growled! He has 2 different growls, really. One is more of a purring sound, and the other is a rough, throaty growl that would scare away any large predator - who needs a guard dog when I have a growler at home?!

And Sofia says the cutest things now. She's experimenting with language, but I'm noticing that comes up with my phrases pretty frequently, only mixed and jumbled together. So today we were sitting at lunch and she asked where Tata is. I explained, quite honestly, that Tata is getting his fingerprints done for his important documents. Her reply, as she turned back to her mac & cheese, "Oh, that's a good idea mama. And maybe tomorrow he can go to Nordstrom." Where does she come up with this stuff? The other day we were eating a peach cobbler and Eugene was sharing with her. When his plate was empty she turned to me and asked me to get more... for Tata! (If you believe she really wanted it for Tata, I have a bridge to sell you!)

mompreneur

2006-09-10T10:41:00.000-07:00

I just found a new word that i love on entrepreneur.com - MOMpreneur! Isn't it great?! So, that's my new obsession. I have to become a mompreneur. I'm not sure exactly what kind of business I want to start, but I'll find something. Okay, the real problem is that I have too many ideas to settle on one. I need some time to evaluate and plan. I'd tell you my ideas, but then someone might steal them... sneaky web-savvy idea snatchers... Not that I really think anyone reads my blog, but you can never be too careful, right? Who knows what kind of predators are out there just looking to steal a mompreneur idea... Or am i back to thinking I'm the center of the universe?

Anyhow, stay tuned to see what I eventually settle on for the secret to my (distant future) success! I'm on my way to rich and famous! (perhaps not, but why should I settle?)

Too much stuff

2006-09-09T06:47:00.000-07:00

Last night we had some friends over for dinner. They're a family from Moldova, and they're great people. But you should have seen their eyes when they saw the playroom! Their 9-yr old daughter was amazed. I don't think she'd ever seen so many toys in one place. They all mentioned, numerous times, that they didn't have those sort of things growing up. All the batteries, all the many many toys. They were pretty shocked. And to think about it, maybe we should be too. Maybe we shouldn't have so many toys that both kids can spend an entire day inside without playing with the same toy twice, and without getting bored.

It seems that our kids should have to use their imagination more. And have a strong desire to go outside or find friends to play with, rather than actually wanting to stay inside all day and play with their toys. Am I right? Or maybe I'm just crazy.

What does it do to my kids to have that many toys? Well, they get bored when they don't have lots of toys around, because they aren't used to using their imaginations. They expect to always have lots of toys, and they take them for granted. Not good. They'd rather spend a day playing with toys instead of doing other things. Of course, the good part is that my kids can pretty much entertain themselves while I cook dinner or sweep the floor (or write my blog...). It sure does make my day easier. But that's not really what parenting is all about.

And what kind of example do I set for them? I have 3 strollers, at least 5 diaper bags, more shoes than I'd like to count, the list goes on. What would it take to ensure that my kids aren't materialistic? It starts with me and Eugene. We have to curb our spending habits and learn to go without a little more frequently. And then, we have to stop anticipating our kids' every desire and fulfilling before they even have a chance to ask. There's something about a sense of desire. I met a 6-yr old once who couldn't name anything she wanted for Christmas, because she already had everything she wanted. That's not because she was content with what she had, it was because her house was full from top to bottom with all the things she could ever ask for.

I think I need to set better limits for Sofia. It's time to let the word "no" flow a little more, and put a reign on "yes," "maybe," and "next time." It's also time to evaluate my purchases a bit more discerningly.

Kids first? I don't think so...

2006-09-06T06:07:00.000-07:00

If my world (and by that I mean my thoughts, my identity, my actions, and the way I spend my time) revolve around my kids, it tells them that the world revolves around them. Besides that, it puts unrealistic pressure on them - if my world revolves around them then my sense of success and fulfillment revolves around their character development, their decisions, and how they choose to behave and spend their time. That's more pressure than any child should have.

Security comes (in part) from knowing that the people who raised you support you, support your choices, and moreover, are secure in their own identity. Parents place undue pressure on their kids when they depend on their kids for their meaning in life, sense of fulfillment and purpose.

Prioritizing in the art of making primary what should be primary, and allowing other things to fall rightly into place behind that. For me, what's primary is God. He created me, rescued me from self-destruction and sin, and regardless of what rotten thoughts I have, or how depraved I am, He still loves me according to his abundant grace. He is the only one who will never disappoint me, and will always love me with no reservations. Next is my husband. And I know that seems awfully counter-cultural and scandalous to put him before my kids, but I truly think that's the way it should be. He was my family before my kids ever were, and he is essential to my kids' emotional and developmental well-being. And that places my kids third in line. That doesn't mean I love them any less, it just means that my choices in life need to be prioritized correctly and I can never put my kids before my relationship with my husband.

Finally, coming in behind my family is my career, or future career, or extra-familial impact on the world around me, in whatever form that may be. And that career or whatever it is and becomes, should serve those things that stand higher on my list of priorities. That means, it should somehow serve the Kingdom of God and tangibly exhibit God's love for the world. It should also allow ample space for my family to grow and thrive.

As I think about the many forms that may take, and the life goals I have for myself, what I keep coming back to is rehabilitation for victims of the sex trade in Eastern Europe, and assisting in the effort to stop that trade. Unfortunately, I don't see how my current set of skills and expertise fit into that. So there lies the quandary. All the sincerity and good intentions in the world won't make a bit of difference.

I do want to be able to look back at my life when I'm 95 (optimistic, I know, but Eugene will outlive me), and see that I truly made a difference in the world. Of course I'll make a difference in my children's lives, and that alone is sufficient, but how else can I leave my footprint on the world? I'd like to look back and see that I affected long term change. I'd also like to know that God used me to do His will, and that other people's lives and eternal lives were impacted. We'll see how that plays out. But in the meantime, I still have to figure out what to do with today.

First day

2006-09-05T13:44:00.000-07:00

Today was Sofi's first day of preschool. I took her to her classroom promptly at 9:30, walked away, and then drove off with nary a tear. Does that make me a bad mom? I wasn't skipping through the parking lot or singing Joy to the World either, but how can I leave my baby girl with near strangers and walk away unaffected? Maybe I wasn't totally unaffected. I did spend the rest of the day snapping at people who cut me off on the road, sulking, and doing my absolute best to avoid conversation with anyone. But the preschool had this nice little room set up for parents to sit and enjoy coffee and doughnuts while their children acclimated to their classrooms. There were designated "checkers" to go to different classrooms and check on nervous parents' kids. All the parents provided moral support for each other, and there were boxes of tissues strategically placed around the room. And then there's me. I darted straight out of Sofi's classroom, skipped the hospitality suite, and headed directly for my car. I didn't greet the ever-friendly greeters. I didn't make small talk with the other parents. I didn't even snag a doughnut and cup of coffee to go. I didn't look back.

Of course, I had a good excuse. I was late for my discipleship group at church. I was providing snacks today and was already 20 minutes late. But shouldn't it have been harder to leave my first born child in someone else's hands?

She loved it, by the way. She was excited to see her classroom and her teacher when we were down the hall, but when we got to the door and I gently pushed her inside, the waterworks started, on her end at least. But she loved it, in the end. She wants to go back now. In fact, when she 'woke up' from her 'nap,' her request was to go back to preschool and then go to bed after that. So, here's hoping Thursday goes smoothly.