Toxins at home

You know that wheezy feeling you get when you inhale the fumes from your tile cleaner? Or that little headache that comes if you spend too much time with household cleaners? Or how about that greasy feeling on your fingertips that won't wash off after you use all purpose cleaner? I'm finding out that all of those things are caused by the chemicals in the products. And those chemicals don't just give you a minor headache or mildly irritate your lungs or skin. They actually have the potential to cause serious damage over time.

Things like phosphorous, phthalates and parabens that are added to all sorts of things (including shampoos and moisturizing lotions!), ammonia, and bleach all have ties to serious health problems. They're suspected to have ties to different types of cancers and tumors, respiratory problems, reproductive health, kidney function... the list goes on. And look at what you have under your kitchen sink. Most likely, none of the ingredients are listed. In fact, even if you go to the trouble of getting the MSDS the complete set of ingredients won't be listed there either! Household cleaners are not required to list ingredients. There are some words that can alert us to the severity of the threat though:

• Caution: An ounce to a pint may be fatal if swallowed, inhaled, or absorbed through the skin by an adult.
  
• Warning: A teaspoonful may be fatal if swallowed, inhaled, or absorbed through the skin by an adult.
  
• Danger: A taste to 1 teaspoonful may be fatal if swallowed, inhaled, or absorbed through the skin by an adult.
  

What does that mean for our kids? I've just gone through my house and made sure that I don't have anything that says "warning" or "danger". Eek. And what's surprising is that the worry isn't just about swallowing - a lot of the toxins I named above can be inhaled (at which point they stay in your body) or absorbed through the skin. I always wondered after I cleaned a surface how long the residue would stay there, and how harmful it could be to my kids.

I think the answer is to not risk it. There are enough natural cleaning agents out there that I don't need to expose my family to increased risk. Another surprising statistic (from the EPA): Indoor air is 2-5 times more toxic that outdoor air. I don't know about you, but I was always more concerned with the quality of air outside, worried about pollution and smog. But the air inside is more toxic! (Do you think maybe this is part of the explanation to why newborns get so cranky after being at home all day? Both my kids did it every afternoon around 4-ish, and they were both calmed down by going outside.) Anyhow, we have an immediate impact on the air quality in our homes, and we want, we can change it! The outdoor air depends on many more factors, but why not start with our own homes?

He walks!

This weekend, while Grama and Papa were fortunate enough to be here, Little Man started walking! He's now choosing it (nearly half the time) as a means to get from point A to point B (instead of crawling). It's so much fun to watch!

What comes first?

We moms have a tendency to lose ourselves, to get lost in nurturing others - we curb our hobbies to make time for our kids, we curb our free time to make time for our husbands, we curb our appetites to provide for our kids (or we just eat their leftover mac & cheese with a side of applesauce). In the midst of focusing all our attention on others, our own values, intellectual development, social lives, and personality get run down, toppled, and trampled. In placing everyone else first, we give out all we have. Martina McBride says it well in "In my daughter's eyes":

And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart
has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes

That was my mantra in the early days of motherhood. I kept telling myself that mothering was about giving more when you feel like giving up. And in part, that's true. But I think there's another side to it. Two books I've been recently (Scream-Free Parenting and Chasing God and the Kids Too) point out that as parents we have so much more to give when we're filled up. In other words, if we take care of ourselves better we'll be able to take better care of others. I think there's a lot to that. So, to that end, I've started taking time after dinner, when the kids are happily playing together and my husband is around to watch them, to read a good book or spend some time knitting. I know that for a good 20 minutes, I'll be able to do something I care about. And I also know that my kids will see that, and they'll model that behavior as they grow. If reading is important to me, or if knitting is a good way to spend my time, my kids will gravitate toward those activities or similar ones.

Also a bit counter-cultural, I think that my husband should be my next priority, even before my kids. If I can focus on my relationship with him, think of how my kids will benefit from seeing that love in action! I truly believe that my children take a backseat to my marriage. I'm actually sad for women (and their husbands too) who derive their identity from their kids. I see it all the time - email addresses that read "timsmom @ mail.com", I've even seen car license plates that say things like CINDYSMOM. How hard for those kids to know that their mother depends on them for her happiness and fulfillment! What incredible pressure to put on a child. And how sad for that mom, to think that she has completely lost herself in her child's (or children's) identity.

So, to all you moms out there, get out and do something you love. And by something you love, I'm referring to something that doesn't directly relate to your children. Treat yourself. Take a night off. Fill yourself up (emotionally and mentally) so that you'll have more to pour out later, and so that pouring yourself out won't leave you empty. It'll be good for your family, but more importantly, do it for yourself!

Where I'm from...

I've been reading "Where I'm From"'s, starting with OwlHaven's, and tracing it back through lots of other bloggers out there. It's a neat idea of getting to know people through the sacred and the ordinary from their childhood. It's also an enchanting trip down memory lane that anyone, brought up rural, urban, or suburbs, US, or anywhere else, can do. There's a little outline for it here if you're interested in posting your own. It's based on a poem by George Ella Lyons. So here's mine...

Where I'm From

I am from orange juice mornings and swimming pool days, from Campbell's tomato soup, Cabbage Patch kids, Eggos and Legos.

I am from the cozy, brick ranch at the bottom of the hill with catfish swimming upstream in the gutter when it rains, from Eye of the Tiger on the record player and walking to church to play pool on sticky summer days.

I am from warm summer showers from cloudless skies, thunderstorms rolling in over the field in the afternoon with lightning that illuminates the whole world, the scent of orange blossoms in January, from "the fort" - that jungle of bending, twisting oak trees, once owned by the neighborhood kids, now replaced by a blue two-story stucco.

I am from road trips to soccer tournaments and if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all, from Tu and Gomps, from Rob and Lil and Bob, from the occasional treat of 3 days in summer at the Abbey with its big red barn, honeybees and buffet style dinners with all 30 of us crammed around a couple wooden picnic tables.

I am from make do or do without, chin up, and put on a happy face.

From don't be late for dinner and go-put-some-makeup-on-because-you-look-tired.

I am from hymns and padded wooden pews, monthly communion and behave in church, be on all the service committees we can but don't dare say the J-word (though the F-word and other expletives will be just fine), from God Bless America and the Bible is full of interesting stories.

I am from lots of places for a little while, but mostly from Florida, from billboard-studded trips up and down I-75, from European heritage though no one knows just where or how. From lasagna always made from scratch and brownies always from a box.

I am from Gomp's shock when he asked someone to pass the bread and Rob threw it like a football, from mom singing to Joan Baez while doing the chores and from dad telling nonsense stories to make the kids laugh.

I am from photos packed into the bottom of the wooden roll-top secretary desk and albums yellowed with age and filled with pictures - some carefully placed and others stashed haphazard between pages. I am from humid memories of playing outside, the smell of rain and the sound of a canonball in the deep end.

Wondertime

I just got my new issue of Wondertime magazine yesterday, and I love it!!! There's a great bit in the letter from the Editor that gives some overall reminders to parents. Take a look at these:

• Smile more, your face speaks volumes to your child.
• Three things to say more often: "Take your time," "It's not your fault," and "I'm sorry, you're right."
• Listen more, talk less - your child is the best teacher you'll ever have.
• Care as much about other people's children as you do about your own.
  
• Remember that kids don't learn by having knowledge poured into their brains; they learn by experience and through relationships.
  
• Expose your child to noble people.

I tried the first one yesterday. Little Liam couldn't soothe himself to sleep at naptime - he has a bad cold. So I held him and tried to rock him to sleep. All the shsh-ing and singing in the world wouldn't calm him. So I tried smiling while I shsh-ed - he gazed into my eyes and fell fast asleep. And I really like the listen more, talk less bit. I have a habit of trying to finish their sentences, or stopping them when they complain with an empathetic "I know" (which I've heard Sofia using lately with her toys and in her make believe conversations). But the truth is, I need to be quiet and listen to what they have to say. Because honestly, a lot of the time I really don't know what's going on in their heads or hearts.

So, the moral of the story. All parents, go out and find yourself a copy of Wondertime magazine. It has fast become my all-time favorite publication!

Peaceful baby! Funny thing is, he sleeps in the same position Sofia did!

Best movie ever! And update on the kids too...

Last night we were rolling in laughter as we watched "Thank you for smoking." Brilliant! Smart, witty, sarcastic and irreverent, entirely non-PC, and hilarious! Love it. Highly recommend it. Rarely do you see a movie that takes aim so well and drives the point home, using humor to do all the work.

And a bit about the kids... They've both hit new developmental milestones - Liam is (finally!) holding his own sippy cup! He can feed himself! And he's trying (a little) harder to walk. Yesterday he stood in front of me, let go of me and gave me a big smile as he stretched his arms out to the side, like "look, ma, no hands!" He was really proud of himself. And he's finally babbling a bit, no, scratch that. He's yelling. But he's yelling different syllables, and I think that counts as babble!

Sofia on the other hand has reverted to baby-hood. She wants me to hold her sippy cup while she drinks, feed her bites of finger food, pick her up to put her on the couch, she wants a pacifier and to drink milk from a bottle (Liam doesn't even do that anymore!). Of course, the next minute she demands to dress herself and throws herself on the floor in 'wooden plank' mode if I try to pick out her clothes for her. Confused? Really though, I can't complain. She's only 3 months away from her 3rd birthday and she never really hit the terrible twos. Think Liam will be this good too? Surely I can't be that lucky. But, if his temperament is any indication, it'll be smooth sailing!

Mompreneur moving forward...

Already a good start to the new year! The Georgia Small Business Development Center just called and wants to see my business plan. I've sent it off to them with all the appropriate supporting documents. Now I wait for them to set up an appointment with me, and from there, they'll send me to the bank to get my small business loan! I'm officially on my way! It's just a matter of time until you see... are you ready?... "Domesticize Greenwise". That's all I say about it now, but keep watching... Big things are on the horizon!

A revelation about happiness

My cousin Stefani gave me this great book to read - Too much of a good thing, by Dan Kindlon. It's a great parenting book - I highly recommend it for parents with kids of any age. Anyhow, Dan mentions a study about what brings happiness - not just for kids but for everyone.

He says that happiness comes from challenges, or things in general that focus us and require our undivided attention. In fact, a study was done with elderly residents in a nursing home. Half the residents were told that they are self-sufficient, responsible for themselves, and moreso, were entirely responsible for a plant placed in their room. The other half were told that the staff would take complete care of them, and that the staff would completely care for the plant in their room. The could relax, rest, and have no worries. The former group - the one who was told they were responsible for themselves and their plant - lived longer and were happier. The premise is that we're not necessarily happiest when we have all the things we want or when everything in life is going our way. Instead, we're happiest when we're fully engaged in something that focuses our attention - for some that might be reading a good book or playing an instrument well. For others it might translate to a challenging career.

The kicker was that the challenge has to be appropriate. If it's unsurmountable, it doesn't bring happiness but stress. If it's too easy it brings boredom. And I'm seeing that now with Sofia. In the morning, she wants to dress herself. Wait. no. She wants to pick out her clothes. She wants control of the entire process - to go up the stairs by herself, open each drawer and choose the appropriate article of clothing from it. Then, she proceeds to up all the various pieces of clothing she's going to wear, throw them at me in one thrust, and then sit in my lap for me to dress her. If I offer to let her dress herself, she throws herself on the floor in a toddler fit. Dressing herself, apparently, is an insurmountable task. But taking off her clothes (and diaper too) and then choosing her outfit for the day is the perfect challenge for her. Or so I'm learning.

I can't figure out how to balance this for Liam though. He gets frustrated so easily. He desperately wants to walk, but won't let go of the furniture. If we challenge him to, the whining begins. When he gets frustrated my first instinct is to rescue, but I guess I need to learn the balance of providing him with appropriate challenges.

I think this will only get harder as they grow older. The trouble is how to motivate them and push them to succeed while engaging their minds and hearts, and at the same time focusing on character development rather than whether or not they were the team's MVP or the class valedictorian.

So, as they grow older, a cell phone or generous allowance isn't the way to make our kids happy. Nor is sheltering them from all pain and suffering (as much as I'd like to do that). And protecting them from consequences definitely won't help. It's all about challenging them and focusing them.