National identity

Identities are funny things. It seems that the more secure we are in our identity, the less need we have to display it. Think about it, the quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons would not paste Falcons memorabilia over his car - but a fan would, trying to identify with the Falcons. The more secure we are in our identities, the less need we feel to advertise for them. The understanding is that those who are close to us already know our identity, and theirs are the opinions that are important. Our identity is central to how we see ourselves, but everyone places different importance on different aspects of their identity.

Nationalities are a funny thing too - they're part of our identity, but function differently to different people. My husband just became a US citizen. That means that he's now an American. At the same time, if I were to become a Moldovan citizen (his nationality), I would probably never be considered a "Moldovan" - just like if I were to become a Russian citizen or a French citizen I would never be considered Russian or French. And I think that's because I didn't take part in their shared history. It is the shared history that solidifies a culture, and most nationalities are protective of their shared history - they take pride in their national struggles and triumphs. America is different because the nation's cultural identity is that of a melting pot - all are welcome, all can call it home, and the countries' identity lies purely in its diversity. How I wish some days that I could be a Moldovan... (with, of course, all the privileges of an American...) They hold a type of pride in what they've survived, and what they've triumphed over, and I cannot share in that. I'll always be an outsider there, even if I were to live out the rest of my days there.

Working *for* the Sabbath

It's true. Many Christians think that the commandment to observe the Sabbath and make it holy doesn't count anymore. In fact when pressed, you might find that they actually believe in the 9 commandments. Observing the Sabbath is inconvenient, counter-cultural, and can seem like a waste of time in our task-oriented society. Businesses like Chick Fil A, Hobby Lobby (and I'm sure there are others) are closed on Sundays, and they're not hurting for profits. But they're in the minority.

We've been looking at the Sabbath at Perimeter, both in Sunday's sermon and in our current discipleship track. I've been convicted. I don't think I've ever observed the Sabbath, at least not the way I should. Sure, there have been Sundays when I've sat around on my lazy tush - but that wasn't to make it holy, it was just to be lazy. So what does it mean to make it holy? Randy Pope talks about not just getting off the treadmil, but walking over the window and gazing out at God's glory, and resting in that. It's a time to reconnect with God and set it aside for Him. Often, there are too many things ocupying my mind on Sundays and too many tasks to be done for me to focus on Him. Someone brought up the idea of working six days not just to keep up with work, but actually working towards Sunday, so that the Sabbath can be made holy without distractions. (We won't get into debates here about what day of the week the Sabbath is...) I kind of like that idea. It means that when I'm scrubbing my floors or toilets I'm actually doing it to the glory of God so that it won't distract me on the Sabbath. It gives whole new meaning to the menial tasks I do every day.

Working six days for the Sabbath gives purpose and motivation. And it clears the Sabbath for a focus on God. Another point Randy brought up in his sermon is that when we do observe the Sabbath - even when on vacation or when other things try to get in the way - we actually influence the next generation to do the same. If every time we go on vacation we skip church on Sundays and just carry on like the Sabbath is just another day, then our kids will likely adopt a laissez faire attitude to church when they have the opportunity to make their own choices. But when we stand for something, and make sacrifices for it, it impacts our kids long term. So, with that said, i have some work to do for the Sabbath.

Time to re-evaluate

It's recently come to my attention that I haven't been doing the things I love lately. In fact, I haven't been doing much at all. I think it's a combination of time management problems, lack of motivation, and pure unadulturated laziness. I have plenty of interesting, creative things I could spend my time doing. Like reading one of the 6 books I'm in the middle of. Or finishing some of the knitting projects sitting lonely on random shelves and in random baskets. Or, inventorying and working on selling the vast collection of jewelry from Night Light Bangkok that's sitting in my laundry room.

I complain that I don't have time to do those things. But is that really the truth? I spent half an hour yesterday doing Sudoku. An hour last night watching TV. Most days I spend more time doing unproductive things like that. Of course, in the meantime I also neglect my cleaning projects. I've had all the supplies for a week to re-grout my shower. Not the most fun task in the world, but it'll be beautiful when it's done!

So, where does my motivation come from, and why can't I find it when I have down time (like right now...)? Sleepiness definitely gets in the way. But something like knitting would be so cathartic! Reading might put me to sleep, but I could use this time to do plenty of other things. Right? Just a couple weeks ago I re-organized my life. I did my closets, managed some spring cleaning (in the fall), bought a new organizer, and actually started making lists and dividing up my regular cleaning tasks throughout the week. Unfortunately follow-through isn't my strong point. I could blame motherhood for that, but isn't that a cop out? I know women who homeschool their kids, keep their house in order, and still manage to bake cookies from scratch. I guess I just have to recognize that's not me. I was never a domestic goddess, and no matter how hard I try I'll probably never be. But I can strive to do better. I can hope to become the Proverbs 31 wife. (And my husband probably hopes for that too!) :)

And since when does motherhood mean giving up so much of myself that I fade into the background and become a mere window through which people see only my kids? That's so not what I want to be. If I'm going to fade and let someone else shine through, that should be Jesus, not my kids. I still believe that I cannot place my identity in my kids - it puts too much pressure on them to perform and misplaces my priorities. So then, the next time I have downtime (which, hopefully will be as soon as I submit this post), I'll find myself some yarn and needles and continue that cardigan I started for Liam. After, of course, I fold the laundry and have some personal worship time...

Dilemma

I have a terrible dilemma. I've been slighted by someone in a position of power above someone I care deeply about. I want to act like a toddler, beat my fists against a wall, and ensure this person knows how angry I am. But that would be immature, and counter-productive. The better idea would be to take on a southern-belle-etiquette-slash- sarcastic-with-a-smile attitude (think Emily Gilmore from the gilmore girls). Unfortunately, that's never been my style. And if I try it, will I fall flat on my face? Maybe I should just get over it and move on. I suppose that would be the mature thing to do. But can't I accidentally slip laxatives into his gin or something? And then throw a toddler-style fit.

Now, moving on... I'm a big girl and I have no need for grudges. Anyhow, Liam had his first hair cut - isn't he cute?! At least now people won't laugh at him so much.

Hydrocephalus

Wow it's been a while since I've posted! Last week we were faced with a CAT scan for Liam - only 9 months old! - to rule out hydrocephalus and brain tumors. Iti inchipui? So, the first part of the week was awful - I went through a million scenarios in my mind. I worried and worried about the CAT scan. All the information I had said that Liam would have to be aenesthetized. He had just given blood and that was hard enough. I didn't want to watch the nurse insert an IV and then have to watch his little eyes slowly close as he went under.

Well, perfect baby that he is, the nurse tried to do the scan without aenesthesia, and he stayed perfectly still! Again, iti inchipui? (Can you imagine? - romanian) I stood outside the room and prayed like mad, and he layed perfectly still while they did the scan. No need to medicate that kid! And, hours later, I called the doctor for the results, and they confirmed that Liam has a big, healthy head.

While all this was going on, I learned more about hydrocephalus. As it turns out, congenital hydrocephalus is usually because of a problem that occurs in utero. They try to catch it by the time the baby is 4-9 months, and with the use of a shunt and when caught early, most babies grow up to live relatively normal lives with very little long term brain damage. It is very treatable and manageable.

I also thought a lot about how I would explain it to Sofia if Liam did indeed need treatment. I finally decided, and this was a difficult topic to think about, that I would teach her that all things are created by God - she is, Liam is, the trees and butterflies, popsickles, and Larry the cucumber... But even hydrocephalus is created by God. Contrary to what most people would tell you, it isn't a disease or a birth defect, because God didn't make a mistake. And, in God's eyes, hydrocephalus is a blessing. We may never understand how, but God's ways are not our ways and his thoughts are not our thoughts. But if we truly believe that He created all things out of a void, than we must believe that even illnesses, tumors, and what we would call birth defects are all created by an all-loving, sovereign God who doesn't make mistakes. And the things that we see as ailments or 'thorns' in our side as Paul said, very well may be designed by God to bless us. The hard thing about that is that when you're going through it, I don't know how you'd look at the struggles, losses, and pain as blessing. But I have to believe (and maybe it's easier for me because I haven't been there) that even things that may seem like curses are actually blessings.

By the time we had the scan, I was at peace with the situation, and had decided that if God had designed Liam with hydrocephalus, we would cope with and use his weakness to bind the family together and grow together. I praise God that he's healthy though, and I can only hope that a hydrocephalus scare is the biggest issue we have to deal with for a long time.

Discipline

There was a baptism at church on Sunday - infants, by sprinkling. I won't get into a debate on that, but suffice it to say that I love Perimeter in spite of it! Randy Pope, our pastor, gives a little primer on parenting every time he does a baptism. The gist of it is that as parents our responsibility is to give our children what they need, and what they need isn't always what they want. Specifically, he says, our children need discipline. Without using the actual words, Randy alluded to the necessity of spanking. Their most important need is love, but but if we truly love our children we'll discipline them well - lovingly but firmly.

I've never spanked my kids, but I'm not entirely opposed to it. I know plenty of parents whose 'dirty secret' is that they've spanked their kids before and still use the threat of it to keep their kids in line. I've never had to do it with mine - Liam's too young, and we've always been able to persuade Sofia with rewards ('reward' sounds better than 'bribe', right?) and time outs. I haven't ruled it out, but I'm thankful that I haven't been in a position yet where it was called for (I'm not saying 'appropriate' because the very term 'appropriate' when used in the same sentence with spanking is debatable). Proverbs 13:24 specifically refers to spanking. The OT --> NT theory that God is more lenient and doles out grace more abundantly in the NT doesn't work either. First of all, God doesn't change. The OT God is the same as the NT God. The only difference is that we're now made righteous by Jesus' work on the cross. But that doesn't mean God won't discipline us. Ephesians 6:4 promts fathers to rightly discipline their children. When we look at the character of God we see that He disciplines us, and expects us to do the same with those He's given us charge over. For the benefit of discipline, look at Hebrews 12:11. It's just like a grapevine. Let wild, it produces few grapes, and they're sour. But prune it well and the harvest will be richer and sweeter.

I don't know when spanking would be 'appropriate'. But I do know it has to be done in love. And, all kids are different. I've never had to spank Sofia, because when she finds that we're disappointed with something she's done, she's mortified. She's so sensitive, and the mere threat of upsetting her parents keeps her in line.

And, when you bring something like love languages into the equation, what does that do? For a child whose love language is touch (and it absolutely is not Sofia's, but we'll have to see about Liam), spanking or any type of physical punishment would be absolutely wrong - because it would be using the way they express or receive love against them. So perhaps different children necessitate different means of discipline and correction, based on their personalities and character. But we, like God, should be more concerned with our children's character development than their comfort level.

Sofia is starting to show us some attitude - when she doesn't get her way, she shoots me a look to kill. I think she probably got it from me, but let's pretend she didn't... And today when I picked her up from preschool, her teacher told me she was 'mad' - she didn't get to have a job today. There are several jobs that different kids get to do each day to help the teacher, and when they get a job they wear a special star. Sofia wanted to wear a star. So apparently all day long she was mad, even though she'll get to have a job (and thus, a star) on Thursday when she goes to school. So where is this new attitude coming from (please don't say me) and how do I curb it before it gets out of control?

Mom Corps

I just found the coolest thing online - it's called Mom Corps and it's a matchmaking service between former full-time professionals who have become stay at home moms and employers looking for non-traditional employees. Check it out here. I'd still love to come up with a great idea and become a mompreneur, but in the meantime, while I'm brainstorming for greatness and coming up with funds to finance my upcoming brilliant idea, maybe I could find non-traditional work in my field. Do you think I have too much going on? (I ask this as Sofia is watching TV - but I least I made her a healthy breakfast this morning and we already took a walk! And when Liam wakes up we'll all be off to the park.)

Of course, the real impact of this website (Mom Corps, that is) is that it circumvents the brain drain of qualified women from the work force. The current trend is that top colleges have a gender imbalance - there are more women seeking higher degrees than men. But, several years after graduation, a huge number of those women leave the work force to raise families. Women are not taking on upper level positions in major corporations because they're choosing families over careers. People like Linda Hirshman say this is because the feminist movement stopped short of its goal. The feminist movement made significant headway in the professional world, but never transformed family life and gender roles. While Mom Coprs doesn't really address that side of it, it does offer an alternative to the current gender imbalance in the workplace. Is it possible that women really can have it all (with the added plus of mopping floors, cooking meals, and being interior decorators to say the least...)?