New look!

I changed my look! (The look of my blog, that is.) A new look for a new year. I've gone pink! Away with the green - that was SO last year... ;-) So, any votes? Do I keep the pink, or return to retro-green? Should I go with the newer blonder model, or stick with what's always been there for me? Okay, my apologies for the melodrama. Is this the blog equivalent of a mid-life crisis? Or maybe I'm just being relevant. So, any votes?

Return to tradition

Soon, very soon indeed, our family will be welcoming a third generation into our home. Really, the second and third generations are already here - we'll be welcoming the first generation to join us. Eugene's parents will be moving in with us as soon as we can get them here. Their paperwork was approved, and it's just a matter or getting everything in order on our side.

This is the way it should be, and the way it used to be ages ago in this country, but still is in other places. There are practical reasons for it - more hands on the farm means greater productivity (not that we live on a farm though...); the older generations can pass down valuable knowledge to the younger generations - how to nurse a baby, how to make sarmale (cabbage rolls, for all you non-Romanian speakers out there)... and there are relational reasons. How enriching it will be for the kids to live with their parents and their grandparents! In the US today, most kids don't even grow up living with both of their biological parents. How blessed ours will be that they'll be under the same roof with their parents and grandparents!

Not only that, but I'll be able to get my 'mompreneur' groove on. It's perfect - income opportunity, but flexible enough that I can still be the Cozonac taxi service (and rock Sofia at naptime, and be around for Liam's first word, all that fun stuff!). And yet, my mother-in-law can be responsible for the kids most of the day - they'll actually have to speak Romanian, instead of just co-existing with it. And this will be great for my in-laws - everyone knows that being around kids keeps you young. They'll have such fun getting to know the kids. This is really the perfect thing for us.

Almost new year!!!

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve, and I think I'll be a bit of a dud this year. Bad cold, feverish, sleeping all day... I don't think i'll be able to muster the strength to stay up all night. Hope my dear hubby doesn't mind. (Sorry, babe, just can't do it this year...)

So that leads us to New Years revolutions. No, resolutions. Sorry - really tired right now. So I think the first is to know the Bible better, and that means taking the time to read it more. Time is a precious commodity in my life, so prioritizing Bible reading will be a tough one, but that's why I put it first. Also, I want to make a list of family rules. My friend Kristin has these posted on her fridge for her family, and with 4 nearly teenage boys, they actually come in really handy for her. They're things like Respect each other and each other's property, Be quick to forgive, etc. They're all backed up with scripture, and they define the tone of the family. I like that. My kids are a bit too young to understand that right now, but that's when it's best to start - the earlier the better, right?

Resolution #3 is a bit more me-focused. Exercise more. That's an open-ended one on purpose. I know that if I decide to walk for 30 minutes three times a week, the first time I fail I'll give up completely. But this way, I can play ball with Sofia, run after Liam, or dance to the Doodlebops - and it all counts! I've already signed up f0r a *free* Dancercize class with my health insurance company (I love Kaiser!).

Resolution #4 is to start my own company (and make a profit in 2007). I'm well on my way to being the mompreneur I've been dreaming of! The business plan is drafted, the P&L statement is done, 12 month sales prospective is done... I just need to take it to the SBA for advice and then to a bank to get my loan! (I'd tell you what I'm doing, but I'm afraid you'll steal my idea... Stay tuned. This is a good one!)

And to end, here's a couple pictures of my little ones.

Little man Liam is desperate to walk!

And Sofi has entered a new age: doing everything by herself, being adventurous outside, and suddenly affectionate towards her brother! (She's no longer afraid!!!!!)

Woo hoo!

Roll out the red carpet! I did it! Finally, I got the recognition I always knew I deserve! I am Time Magazine's Person of the Year! Come on, I blog. I google something or other at least daily. I have a My Space account (that, by the way, I designed myself). And finally, someone noticed ME! (and you, too... shhhh...) So, where's my publicist? Where's my stylist? How about endorsements? Think Nike would take me? How about Coke? No, I need something more glamorous... Nordstrom! Starbucks! Tiffany's!

Come on! Get real! Was there no one else Time Magazine thought was worthy? Hasn't someone in the world done something greater than the undereducated masses using My Space and You Tube? Is that really the best that Time magazine thinks we have to offer? And do we really need our egos stroked by Time Magazine bestowing some bogus title on the web-savvy masses? Is that what we've come to? That's right, let's satisfy people's need for self-gratification by applauding them for wasting their leisure time in front of a computer screen. If you're going to applaud the masses, at least applaud them for doing something worthwhile.

Liam's birthday

So, correction to the previous post... Liam did not, indeed, turn 2. He had his first birthday yesterday. We celebrated with our good friends Jennifer and Jack, whose youngest (of 4) also had her first birthday yesterday. Their little girl, Cami, loved the cake. She dove right in and smeared it everywhere, getting plenty in her mouth. Liam on the other hand put a couple fingers into the icing, but it took him a good 10 minutes to realize that he could then put his fingers in his mouth and eat it. Even once he realized that, he didn't really shovel it in as I'd expected. He really wasn't that into it. He had fun anyhow. We kept him up until almost 9:00 - a fully 2 hours past his bedtime, and he didn't notice the difference. I did though - he actually slept past 7 AM this morning. I wish I had pictures from his birthday, but all we have right now is video. When we get some photos from jennifer I'll post a couple. In the meantime, here are his stats from his doctor checkup this morning:

Weight: 20 lbs 5 oz (15th percentile)
Height: 28 inches (20th percentile)
Head: 19 inches (90th percentile)

More on NightLight (and the kids)

Ambata had their very first sale of NightLight jewelry! It wasn't from Perimeter Church, so it must have been one of Ambata's regulars. We're hoping to get a nice launch here at Perimeter, with full color fliers and events and all, but until then we'll just have a gradual trickle of orders I suppose. But still, one order is better than no orders.

Sofia had her first 'performance' today - the 2 year olds at her preschool did a little choir performance. They sang "We wish you a merry Christmas," "Jingle jingle happy bells," and a couple others. Sofia did great - no tears (lots of the kids cried), she sang the songs, did the hand movements, sat still in her seat... She was brilliant! (except for the little nose picking incident...) I was proud. You should have seen the auditorium though - I think there were more cameras there than at a presidential press conference! It was fun. Here she is last night - hamming it up for the camera.

And Liam turns 2 tomorrow - I'll update on Thursday with his new weight and height. I don't think he'll have any idea what's going for his birthday. We'll have cupcakes and candles, and a few presents, but I think it'll be a bigger day for Sofia than for Liam! I'm a bit worried that she won't understand why Liam is getting presents and she's not, especially with the Christmas tree up and a few presents underneath... Maybe we can distract her with cake.

And here's the whole gang at Kennedy Space Center

 

 

Immigrants & indignation

I received an ignorant mass email this morning about immigrants and the language issue here in the states. The subject of the email was "Hip hip hooray! Go USA!" and left me awaiting something upbeat, announcing how Americans had come together to do something great. Something proclaiming the positive impact Americans were having somewhere. But instead, the email did the opposite - it berated the Hispanic population for wanting to sing the national anthem in Spanish, dividing rather than building up our nation.

This country was built by immigrants, and we wouldn't be where we are today without the immigrant work force. The vast majority of immigrants in this country do the jobs Americans don't want to do, they're peaceable, and with a handful of exceptions, they do learn our language. If they want to express pride in our country (their adopted country) in their native language, why is that a bad thing? As this email says, this is a country where freedom of choice reigns. Why shouldn't they have freedom of choice as well? They contribute to the economy, they bring diversification of ideas and they enrich this country's history and culture. Furthermore, thousands of them serve next to 'our' boys and girls to defend this country, putting their lives on the line daily to serve and protect.

As a US citizen, I am in this country now for much the same reason as the immigrants. When my husband and I got pregnant overseas, I wanted exactly what the immigrants want - something better for my children. I didn't want to give birth in a country where the infant mortality rate is higher than that in my home country. Can you blame me? If not, can you blame them? If anything, we should be thankful that the Hispanic population loves this country enough that they have a desire to sing our national anthem in the language closest to their heart. Who are we to criticize their dedication to our (our being inclusive of immigrants) country?

This country was founded by immigrants - more specifically, by conquistadors and colonialists that came in and pillaged the Native Americans. To point a finger at the immigrants is to point a finger at our own ancestors (who do, in fact deserve judgment for much of what they did). Not one of us (other than Native Americans) can claim to be different from the immigrants - we all descend from people who immigrated to this country and worked hard to make a better life. To turn against the immigrant population (who, by the way, work their fingers to the bone daily to contribute to our economy) is to turn against the very values our nation was founded on.

When ignorant Americans who think of this country as the center of the universe make claims that immigrants are ruining this country, it reflects poorly on all of us, drives a wedge between us and does a disservice to the nation.

Priorities

So, parenting is about giving your children what they need, not just what they want. What they want is for the world to revolve around them. For the people (and things) they love to be ever-present. But what do they need? They need to know that they are loved, and they need examples of proper priorities and values. They need character development, and that comes, in part, from not always getting the things we want.

Therefore, it just might be that my upcoming trip to Bangkok is good for them. Explaining to them that mama's going on an airplane to help people somewhere else, and explaining to them that God loves those people too, will teach them certain values. And long-term, it's an example of how we, as their parents (I include Eugene in this, because I couldn't do this without his strong support), place our values and see our parenting responsibilities. God always first, then our marriage, then our kids. And let's face it... with my kids at their current ages (Liam will be 13 months in Janary, Sofia will be 3 months shy of 3 years old), it's the perfect time for me to go somewhere. Traveling without them will be much harder when they're old enough to remember that mom missed their piano recital or soccer game. Or, when they have so many activities that they need a full-time taxi driver (a.k.a., "mom").

I worry about them and how they'll manage without me for a week and a half. And I worry that whoever is caring for them won't remember to give Sofia her vitamin, or to tell her a story at bedtime, or watch how Liam treats his ear. Or the obvious, that something bad will happen while I'm away. But, I have to remember to trust in God (and trust in others' abilities to care for my kids...), and most importantly, that God is sovereign and loves my kids even more than I do.

Thailand...

Tickets are bought. I'm headed to Thailand this January, and couldn't be farther from my comfort zone! I'll be there for 10 days, working with NightLight. I'm going with a small team from Perimeter, and there are so many reasons for me to be hesitant! The first, and most important (to me, that is), is that I'll be leaving my kids behind for 10 whole days! I've never left them for a night! Even when I was in labor with Liam, I made sure Eugene stayed home with Sofia until she fell asleep... Then there are the issues about culture shock - I've never been to Asia. In fact, I've never been anywhere except N. America and Europe. It's going to be so very incredibly different. I'm not sure I'm ready for that. And, I'll be visiting the red-light district of Bangkok. That is something I'm definitely not prepared for. I need to find a way to get over my indignation and anger (regardless of how righteous my indignation will be - it won't get anything done) about the way these women are treated and dig deep to focus on compassion for them. As if that isn't enough to consider, I'll also be ministering to women who have been trafficked from Eastern Europe, specifically Russian speakers. My Russian is so rusty, it's almost non-existent. I have a lot of studying to do! Pray that God would bring back my Russian proficiency miraculously fast!

The big news of the day, though, is that you can now (finally) buy NightLight jewelry online (click here)! Use your consumer dollars to rescue women from exploitation!

Parallel Play

They're starting to play together and entertain each other! Success!


Check out my green hat - my very first crochet project!

Baby-proofing

I've come to realize that baby-proofing means different things for different babies. For Sofia, it was taking minor measures to protect her from danger. For Liam on the other hand, I think it's making an attempt to protect my house from the baby. We still have the gate up at the top of the stairs. It's drilled into the studs in the wall. But it won't be for long - Liam pulls at it every chance he gets, and I'm convinced he's going to pull it out of the wall very shortly. He can already pull one corner far enough away from the wall that he could feasibly wiggle through if he really wanted to. And there were all sorts of things that I never needed to baby proof for Sofia - the stove, the TV buttons, the lazy susan in the kitchen, outlets that were behind furniture. Liam's favorite past time is to move the furniture. The kid isn't even 11 months yet! I don't think I'll be able to protect the house from him, but if I try really hard, I can probably (hopefully) keep him from doing permanent damage to himself.

Teeth, pulling up, and other developments

Liam has become such a little explorer recently! He's pulling up on the furniture and trying to cruise along the edges of the furniture. Yesterday he knelt in front of Sofia's baby doll stroller and pushed it across the room on his knees. He thought it was pretty cool!

His 3rd tooth came in, top right. You can't see it yet in his smile, but soon, he'll be a toothy kid! He's eating more than I could ever imagine - up to 12 jars of baby food a day. I've started cutting back on the baby food (at sometimes $.79/jar it gets expensive, especially when you add in formula) and substituting regular table food. I think one of his favorites is scrambled eggs. When you put him next to a girl his age, the difference is striking. The girl (usually) picks up her food one piece at a time, puts it in her mouth, chews, swallows, then goes for another piece. Liam, on the other hand, shovels handfuls at a time into his mouth, doesn't bother with chewing, just continually shovels, occasionally chews, and somehow manages to swallow.
Sofia is doing better with him - she went through a phase where she was afraid of him. But she's much better now. She still gets upset when he goes for one of her toys, but what do you expect from a 2-year old? Now they entertain each other - they laugh at each other, make faces - it's fun to watch. And it makes my job a lot easier. I don't have to be their entertainer. And Sofia still isn't much of an eater, except when it comes to corn on the cob or pomegranates (go figure!).

Here are the kids at the pumpkin patch, edited with Picasa. We tried to get a picture of Sofia kissing Liam's head, but she was pretty quick - she'd kiss and run!

Halloween & developments

This was the first Halloween that Sofia was old enough to enjoy, and enjoy it she did! Now a week later she's still asking to put on her costume and go trick-or-treating. We went around the neighborhood with the Kinker family - Jack and Ben and mom Hollie. It was good for me - Hollie's a good role model as far as mothering goes. I would have just told Sofia to say 'trick-or-treat' and 'thank you' - but Hollie (how wise is she!) told the kids to look everyone in the eye when they speak to them! So, by the end of the evening, Sofia was looking each person in the eye, saying her trick-or-treat and thank you, and then bye-bye with a wave, all on her own! I'm probably biased, but I think that makes her a child prodigy. So, here is a family picture from Halloween (check out Sofia's cute bumble-bee costume and Liam's little pumpkin outfit!), a picture of Sofia with Jack and Ben Kinker.

Poor Liam had an ear infection for Halloween. The doctor put him on amoxicillin - I had some issues with that, but how am I supposed to know what's best - but the ear infection never really cleared up. So now, we saw the doctor again yesterday and Liam's on a new antibiotic. This antibiotic cost us $100! I'm not even sure that he should be on antibiotics for the ear infections. But the information out there is so confusing! I re-iterated that I don't want him on medicine unless we're sure that it's necessary, and the doc said it was. And since I do like this doctor (the one who told me Liam had a big head, and by the so does mom), I'll take his word for it. Liam does seem a little better today than he was yesterday. So, stats on the kids:

Liam: 20 lbs 7 oz
Sofia: 25 lbs 2 oz
(notice - less than 5 lbs difference between them!)

National identity

Identities are funny things. It seems that the more secure we are in our identity, the less need we have to display it. Think about it, the quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons would not paste Falcons memorabilia over his car - but a fan would, trying to identify with the Falcons. The more secure we are in our identities, the less need we feel to advertise for them. The understanding is that those who are close to us already know our identity, and theirs are the opinions that are important. Our identity is central to how we see ourselves, but everyone places different importance on different aspects of their identity.

Nationalities are a funny thing too - they're part of our identity, but function differently to different people. My husband just became a US citizen. That means that he's now an American. At the same time, if I were to become a Moldovan citizen (his nationality), I would probably never be considered a "Moldovan" - just like if I were to become a Russian citizen or a French citizen I would never be considered Russian or French. And I think that's because I didn't take part in their shared history. It is the shared history that solidifies a culture, and most nationalities are protective of their shared history - they take pride in their national struggles and triumphs. America is different because the nation's cultural identity is that of a melting pot - all are welcome, all can call it home, and the countries' identity lies purely in its diversity. How I wish some days that I could be a Moldovan... (with, of course, all the privileges of an American...) They hold a type of pride in what they've survived, and what they've triumphed over, and I cannot share in that. I'll always be an outsider there, even if I were to live out the rest of my days there.

Working *for* the Sabbath

It's true. Many Christians think that the commandment to observe the Sabbath and make it holy doesn't count anymore. In fact when pressed, you might find that they actually believe in the 9 commandments. Observing the Sabbath is inconvenient, counter-cultural, and can seem like a waste of time in our task-oriented society. Businesses like Chick Fil A, Hobby Lobby (and I'm sure there are others) are closed on Sundays, and they're not hurting for profits. But they're in the minority.

We've been looking at the Sabbath at Perimeter, both in Sunday's sermon and in our current discipleship track. I've been convicted. I don't think I've ever observed the Sabbath, at least not the way I should. Sure, there have been Sundays when I've sat around on my lazy tush - but that wasn't to make it holy, it was just to be lazy. So what does it mean to make it holy? Randy Pope talks about not just getting off the treadmil, but walking over the window and gazing out at God's glory, and resting in that. It's a time to reconnect with God and set it aside for Him. Often, there are too many things ocupying my mind on Sundays and too many tasks to be done for me to focus on Him. Someone brought up the idea of working six days not just to keep up with work, but actually working towards Sunday, so that the Sabbath can be made holy without distractions. (We won't get into debates here about what day of the week the Sabbath is...) I kind of like that idea. It means that when I'm scrubbing my floors or toilets I'm actually doing it to the glory of God so that it won't distract me on the Sabbath. It gives whole new meaning to the menial tasks I do every day.

Working six days for the Sabbath gives purpose and motivation. And it clears the Sabbath for a focus on God. Another point Randy brought up in his sermon is that when we do observe the Sabbath - even when on vacation or when other things try to get in the way - we actually influence the next generation to do the same. If every time we go on vacation we skip church on Sundays and just carry on like the Sabbath is just another day, then our kids will likely adopt a laissez faire attitude to church when they have the opportunity to make their own choices. But when we stand for something, and make sacrifices for it, it impacts our kids long term. So, with that said, i have some work to do for the Sabbath.

Time to re-evaluate

It's recently come to my attention that I haven't been doing the things I love lately. In fact, I haven't been doing much at all. I think it's a combination of time management problems, lack of motivation, and pure unadulturated laziness. I have plenty of interesting, creative things I could spend my time doing. Like reading one of the 6 books I'm in the middle of. Or finishing some of the knitting projects sitting lonely on random shelves and in random baskets. Or, inventorying and working on selling the vast collection of jewelry from Night Light Bangkok that's sitting in my laundry room.

I complain that I don't have time to do those things. But is that really the truth? I spent half an hour yesterday doing Sudoku. An hour last night watching TV. Most days I spend more time doing unproductive things like that. Of course, in the meantime I also neglect my cleaning projects. I've had all the supplies for a week to re-grout my shower. Not the most fun task in the world, but it'll be beautiful when it's done!

So, where does my motivation come from, and why can't I find it when I have down time (like right now...)? Sleepiness definitely gets in the way. But something like knitting would be so cathartic! Reading might put me to sleep, but I could use this time to do plenty of other things. Right? Just a couple weeks ago I re-organized my life. I did my closets, managed some spring cleaning (in the fall), bought a new organizer, and actually started making lists and dividing up my regular cleaning tasks throughout the week. Unfortunately follow-through isn't my strong point. I could blame motherhood for that, but isn't that a cop out? I know women who homeschool their kids, keep their house in order, and still manage to bake cookies from scratch. I guess I just have to recognize that's not me. I was never a domestic goddess, and no matter how hard I try I'll probably never be. But I can strive to do better. I can hope to become the Proverbs 31 wife. (And my husband probably hopes for that too!) :)

And since when does motherhood mean giving up so much of myself that I fade into the background and become a mere window through which people see only my kids? That's so not what I want to be. If I'm going to fade and let someone else shine through, that should be Jesus, not my kids. I still believe that I cannot place my identity in my kids - it puts too much pressure on them to perform and misplaces my priorities. So then, the next time I have downtime (which, hopefully will be as soon as I submit this post), I'll find myself some yarn and needles and continue that cardigan I started for Liam. After, of course, I fold the laundry and have some personal worship time...

Dilemma

I have a terrible dilemma. I've been slighted by someone in a position of power above someone I care deeply about. I want to act like a toddler, beat my fists against a wall, and ensure this person knows how angry I am. But that would be immature, and counter-productive. The better idea would be to take on a southern-belle-etiquette-slash- sarcastic-with-a-smile attitude (think Emily Gilmore from the gilmore girls). Unfortunately, that's never been my style. And if I try it, will I fall flat on my face? Maybe I should just get over it and move on. I suppose that would be the mature thing to do. But can't I accidentally slip laxatives into his gin or something? And then throw a toddler-style fit.

Now, moving on... I'm a big girl and I have no need for grudges. Anyhow, Liam had his first hair cut - isn't he cute?! At least now people won't laugh at him so much.

Hydrocephalus

Wow it's been a while since I've posted! Last week we were faced with a CAT scan for Liam - only 9 months old! - to rule out hydrocephalus and brain tumors. Iti inchipui? So, the first part of the week was awful - I went through a million scenarios in my mind. I worried and worried about the CAT scan. All the information I had said that Liam would have to be aenesthetized. He had just given blood and that was hard enough. I didn't want to watch the nurse insert an IV and then have to watch his little eyes slowly close as he went under.

Well, perfect baby that he is, the nurse tried to do the scan without aenesthesia, and he stayed perfectly still! Again, iti inchipui? (Can you imagine? - romanian) I stood outside the room and prayed like mad, and he layed perfectly still while they did the scan. No need to medicate that kid! And, hours later, I called the doctor for the results, and they confirmed that Liam has a big, healthy head.

While all this was going on, I learned more about hydrocephalus. As it turns out, congenital hydrocephalus is usually because of a problem that occurs in utero. They try to catch it by the time the baby is 4-9 months, and with the use of a shunt and when caught early, most babies grow up to live relatively normal lives with very little long term brain damage. It is very treatable and manageable.

I also thought a lot about how I would explain it to Sofia if Liam did indeed need treatment. I finally decided, and this was a difficult topic to think about, that I would teach her that all things are created by God - she is, Liam is, the trees and butterflies, popsickles, and Larry the cucumber... But even hydrocephalus is created by God. Contrary to what most people would tell you, it isn't a disease or a birth defect, because God didn't make a mistake. And, in God's eyes, hydrocephalus is a blessing. We may never understand how, but God's ways are not our ways and his thoughts are not our thoughts. But if we truly believe that He created all things out of a void, than we must believe that even illnesses, tumors, and what we would call birth defects are all created by an all-loving, sovereign God who doesn't make mistakes. And the things that we see as ailments or 'thorns' in our side as Paul said, very well may be designed by God to bless us. The hard thing about that is that when you're going through it, I don't know how you'd look at the struggles, losses, and pain as blessing. But I have to believe (and maybe it's easier for me because I haven't been there) that even things that may seem like curses are actually blessings.

By the time we had the scan, I was at peace with the situation, and had decided that if God had designed Liam with hydrocephalus, we would cope with and use his weakness to bind the family together and grow together. I praise God that he's healthy though, and I can only hope that a hydrocephalus scare is the biggest issue we have to deal with for a long time.

Discipline

There was a baptism at church on Sunday - infants, by sprinkling. I won't get into a debate on that, but suffice it to say that I love Perimeter in spite of it! Randy Pope, our pastor, gives a little primer on parenting every time he does a baptism. The gist of it is that as parents our responsibility is to give our children what they need, and what they need isn't always what they want. Specifically, he says, our children need discipline. Without using the actual words, Randy alluded to the necessity of spanking. Their most important need is love, but but if we truly love our children we'll discipline them well - lovingly but firmly.

I've never spanked my kids, but I'm not entirely opposed to it. I know plenty of parents whose 'dirty secret' is that they've spanked their kids before and still use the threat of it to keep their kids in line. I've never had to do it with mine - Liam's too young, and we've always been able to persuade Sofia with rewards ('reward' sounds better than 'bribe', right?) and time outs. I haven't ruled it out, but I'm thankful that I haven't been in a position yet where it was called for (I'm not saying 'appropriate' because the very term 'appropriate' when used in the same sentence with spanking is debatable). Proverbs 13:24 specifically refers to spanking. The OT --> NT theory that God is more lenient and doles out grace more abundantly in the NT doesn't work either. First of all, God doesn't change. The OT God is the same as the NT God. The only difference is that we're now made righteous by Jesus' work on the cross. But that doesn't mean God won't discipline us. Ephesians 6:4 promts fathers to rightly discipline their children. When we look at the character of God we see that He disciplines us, and expects us to do the same with those He's given us charge over. For the benefit of discipline, look at Hebrews 12:11. It's just like a grapevine. Let wild, it produces few grapes, and they're sour. But prune it well and the harvest will be richer and sweeter.

I don't know when spanking would be 'appropriate'. But I do know it has to be done in love. And, all kids are different. I've never had to spank Sofia, because when she finds that we're disappointed with something she's done, she's mortified. She's so sensitive, and the mere threat of upsetting her parents keeps her in line.

And, when you bring something like love languages into the equation, what does that do? For a child whose love language is touch (and it absolutely is not Sofia's, but we'll have to see about Liam), spanking or any type of physical punishment would be absolutely wrong - because it would be using the way they express or receive love against them. So perhaps different children necessitate different means of discipline and correction, based on their personalities and character. But we, like God, should be more concerned with our children's character development than their comfort level.

Sofia is starting to show us some attitude - when she doesn't get her way, she shoots me a look to kill. I think she probably got it from me, but let's pretend she didn't... And today when I picked her up from preschool, her teacher told me she was 'mad' - she didn't get to have a job today. There are several jobs that different kids get to do each day to help the teacher, and when they get a job they wear a special star. Sofia wanted to wear a star. So apparently all day long she was mad, even though she'll get to have a job (and thus, a star) on Thursday when she goes to school. So where is this new attitude coming from (please don't say me) and how do I curb it before it gets out of control?

Mom Corps

I just found the coolest thing online - it's called Mom Corps and it's a matchmaking service between former full-time professionals who have become stay at home moms and employers looking for non-traditional employees. Check it out here. I'd still love to come up with a great idea and become a mompreneur, but in the meantime, while I'm brainstorming for greatness and coming up with funds to finance my upcoming brilliant idea, maybe I could find non-traditional work in my field. Do you think I have too much going on? (I ask this as Sofia is watching TV - but I least I made her a healthy breakfast this morning and we already took a walk! And when Liam wakes up we'll all be off to the park.)

Of course, the real impact of this website (Mom Corps, that is) is that it circumvents the brain drain of qualified women from the work force. The current trend is that top colleges have a gender imbalance - there are more women seeking higher degrees than men. But, several years after graduation, a huge number of those women leave the work force to raise families. Women are not taking on upper level positions in major corporations because they're choosing families over careers. People like Linda Hirshman say this is because the feminist movement stopped short of its goal. The feminist movement made significant headway in the professional world, but never transformed family life and gender roles. While Mom Coprs doesn't really address that side of it, it does offer an alternative to the current gender imbalance in the workplace. Is it possible that women really can have it all (with the added plus of mopping floors, cooking meals, and being interior decorators to say the least...)?

I'm so proud!

For those of you who don't know, my brother, Capt. Robert Stanton is in Afghanistan with the 10th Mountain Division (as is his wife, helicopter pilot Capt. Casey Martinez). Over the past week, Rob has had his picture and voice broadcast across America. He's been on ABC world news, Nightline, had his picture on AP newswire, and been quoted all over the place, even with one interview available in audio online! It's been awesome to see and hear him so much when he's so far away! He's done really well with his interviews - so well that Eugene thinks he should go into politics ( and I do too!). So, in another couple of years, when Robert Stanton is running for election for some local post, get out and vote for him! (Yes, I realize it's silly to campaign for someone who isn't running, but the time will come...)

GIs hunt al-Qaida in Afghan mountains
Restraint even facing death
Small fight to build an Army

Preschool rocks!

So, 2 weeks in, and I'm loving it! The bonus - Sofia loves it too! I just became room mom - the egoist in me wants to think that it's because I'm the greatest mom (you know, I make the best lunches, dress my child the most appropriately, and have raised my child better than everyone else). Of course, the real reason I'm room mom is I was the only idiot who signed up. No, I take that back. One other mom signed up. Then she found out what was involved and backed out. So it's just me.

Anyhow, the point of this is that preschool is the best thing that could have happened to Sofia. (Footnote... If you haven't been following, Sofia started preschool - mothers' morning out, really - a couple weeks ago and she goes for two half days a week.) She picked up a cold there, but that's a small price to pay. And besides, the more colds she gets now, the stronger her immune system will be later, right? She doesn't cry when I take her to preschool or Sunday school anymore! She's more confident, she's more independent, she's more social, and she's not afraid of so many things anymore! It's fabulous. Yesterday she had to stay home because she was sick, but she was really heartbroken that she couldn't go! All morning, she found different ways (and reasons) to ask if we could go. In fact, when Liam woke up after Sofia and I ate lunch, she said that now that Liam was awake, we could go to preschool! I love her logic! What a great kid!

And, now that Sofia's in preschool, I can get things done a couple days a week! So, I'm hoping to get in a meeting with the Business Partners International next week to talk about a possible ministry opportunity in Thailand! If Sofia weren't in preschool a couple days a week, I doubt I'd be able to even think about things like that! I'm still hoping that I'll be able to start up some type of mompreneur-ish type of thing (how wonderfully specific I can be!) Do I really want to commit myself to something again that very well may fail? Am I crazy to think I can take on a whole new business? Probably. But crazy is okay, right? even fun, in small doses at least. We'll just have to see. I think I'll wait on Liam's CT scan before I make any plans.

Plans made. Somewhat.

I think I've figured it out. Long term plans, that is. I've had this whole dilemma about what to be when I grow up. (See my very first post from August this year for more on that.) Long term vision: To end the traffic of women from Moldova into sex slavery. (Did you know that there are more slaves worldwide today than there were when slavery was abolished in the US?)

To do that, I think I need a law degree. It would give me the legitimacy in Moldova to work in that arena, and the international law expertise to work towards that goal. The problem all along was, how do I do it without sacrificing my family? The women and moms I respect most have careers - but they work from their homes, so they're always around for their kids, and by being their own bosses they can take off time when they need to.

So, here it is... I can go to law school part time over the next 5 years or so. Once I've graduated and past the bar, I work part time for an NGO. After I have enough experience (and as long as we're in the US), I set up office in my home and be my own boss, doing some sort of consulting or private practice. The key is that I have to be content with never becoming a high-powered corporate lawyer earning the big bucks. I'll get my kicks from the impact I have as an agent of change.

Short term, I don't know how to make that work. I still want to be a MOMpreneur and I don't want to wait until I can run my own home-based private practice to do that. So, is there some venture I can start in the meantime and work at while I do this? I have almost a full year before I'll enter law school (assuming my application is accepted). I'll have to think more on that. Maybe I can get something started, and have it running smoothly enough by fall next year that it won't be a drain on my time.

Ambata

Check out my brand spankin new Ambata clickable image on the right (I did the html code myself - aren't you proud? Look underneath my friendly sheep mascot). Ambata is a super cool website that retails fair trade goods from around the world. This is all grass-roots stuff, environmentally sustainable, and supports the communities that produce the goods. Way better than buying your stuff from places like Pottery Barn and Starbucks. But don't take my word for it - check it out for yourself! I especially like the jewellery and purses!

New concept...

A good friend and mentor, Kristin, told me the other day that Eisenhower's mother taught her children that each child in the family is essential to the family's existence, to the point that if the child were not a part of the family, the family unit would fall apart. I see this in two ways, really. On one hand, it gives the kids a very strong sense that they matter, that they're important, and that their every contribution is crucial. And that's a very good thing. On the other hand, what kind of pressure does that put on them, and what kind of expectations? Don't get me wrong, expectations are a good thing. And perhaps, when balanced with constant reassurance of unconditional love that pressure might be okay too. I just have this sense that telling my kids that the family wouldn't exist without them gives them constant pressure not to let the family down. So maybe the concept is good, but the wording should be altered. Maybe that means I should tell my kids how important they are to me, and how vital their contribution to the family is. And besides, I truly think that my family's well being depends more on God and our individual relationships with God than on any individual.

On a different note, I put a note in Sofi's lunch box every day. Tuesday I wrote "You're a star." When I picked her up from preschool and asked her what she ate for lunch, she rattled off an orange, cheese, turkey, and crackers, and "Mama says I'm a star!" It really does matter to her! And just this morning I was playing with her on the couch, and had to run to the next room. I reassured her that I'd be right back because... "you're so much..." (pause as I choke back sneeze) and she finished my sentence with "FUN!" Do you know what that means? It means that I tell her enough how much I appreciate spending time with her - enough that she knows it and can say it back to me! It warmed my heart!

Cuties!

Kids come up with the best stuff! Liam just turned 9 months today - he's taking his precious time on things that Sofia developed early, like gross motor skills and verbalizing. But he has the cutest little 'growl' that he does - he was wearing a tiger shirt yesterday and it was so ironic, because all day long he just growled and growled! He has 2 different growls, really. One is more of a purring sound, and the other is a rough, throaty growl that would scare away any large predator - who needs a guard dog when I have a growler at home?!

And Sofia says the cutest things now. She's experimenting with language, but I'm noticing that comes up with my phrases pretty frequently, only mixed and jumbled together. So today we were sitting at lunch and she asked where Tata is. I explained, quite honestly, that Tata is getting his fingerprints done for his important documents. Her reply, as she turned back to her mac & cheese, "Oh, that's a good idea mama. And maybe tomorrow he can go to Nordstrom." Where does she come up with this stuff? The other day we were eating a peach cobbler and Eugene was sharing with her. When his plate was empty she turned to me and asked me to get more... for Tata! (If you believe she really wanted it for Tata, I have a bridge to sell you!)

mompreneur

I just found a new word that i love on entrepreneur.com - MOMpreneur! Isn't it great?! So, that's my new obsession. I have to become a mompreneur. I'm not sure exactly what kind of business I want to start, but I'll find something. Okay, the real problem is that I have too many ideas to settle on one. I need some time to evaluate and plan. I'd tell you my ideas, but then someone might steal them... sneaky web-savvy idea snatchers... Not that I really think anyone reads my blog, but you can never be too careful, right? Who knows what kind of predators are out there just looking to steal a mompreneur idea... Or am i back to thinking I'm the center of the universe?

Anyhow, stay tuned to see what I eventually settle on for the secret to my (distant future) success! I'm on my way to rich and famous! (perhaps not, but why should I settle?)

Too much stuff

Last night we had some friends over for dinner. They're a family from Moldova, and they're great people. But you should have seen their eyes when they saw the playroom! Their 9-yr old daughter was amazed. I don't think she'd ever seen so many toys in one place. They all mentioned, numerous times, that they didn't have those sort of things growing up. All the batteries, all the many many toys. They were pretty shocked. And to think about it, maybe we should be too. Maybe we shouldn't have so many toys that both kids can spend an entire day inside without playing with the same toy twice, and without getting bored.

It seems that our kids should have to use their imagination more. And have a strong desire to go outside or find friends to play with, rather than actually wanting to stay inside all day and play with their toys. Am I right? Or maybe I'm just crazy.

What does it do to my kids to have that many toys? Well, they get bored when they don't have lots of toys around, because they aren't used to using their imaginations. They expect to always have lots of toys, and they take them for granted. Not good. They'd rather spend a day playing with toys instead of doing other things. Of course, the good part is that my kids can pretty much entertain themselves while I cook dinner or sweep the floor (or write my blog...). It sure does make my day easier. But that's not really what parenting is all about.

And what kind of example do I set for them? I have 3 strollers, at least 5 diaper bags, more shoes than I'd like to count, the list goes on. What would it take to ensure that my kids aren't materialistic? It starts with me and Eugene. We have to curb our spending habits and learn to go without a little more frequently. And then, we have to stop anticipating our kids' every desire and fulfilling before they even have a chance to ask. There's something about a sense of desire. I met a 6-yr old once who couldn't name anything she wanted for Christmas, because she already had everything she wanted. That's not because she was content with what she had, it was because her house was full from top to bottom with all the things she could ever ask for.

I think I need to set better limits for Sofia. It's time to let the word "no" flow a little more, and put a reign on "yes," "maybe," and "next time." It's also time to evaluate my purchases a bit more discerningly.

Kids first? I don't think so...

If my world (and by that I mean my thoughts, my identity, my actions, and the way I spend my time) revolve around my kids, it tells them that the world revolves around them. Besides that, it puts unrealistic pressure on them - if my world revolves around them then my sense of success and fulfillment revolves around their character development, their decisions, and how they choose to behave and spend their time. That's more pressure than any child should have.

Security comes (in part) from knowing that the people who raised you support you, support your choices, and moreover, are secure in their own identity. Parents place undue pressure on their kids when they depend on their kids for their meaning in life, sense of fulfillment and purpose.

Prioritizing in the art of making primary what should be primary, and allowing other things to fall rightly into place behind that. For me, what's primary is God. He created me, rescued me from self-destruction and sin, and regardless of what rotten thoughts I have, or how depraved I am, He still loves me according to his abundant grace. He is the only one who will never disappoint me, and will always love me with no reservations. Next is my husband. And I know that seems awfully counter-cultural and scandalous to put him before my kids, but I truly think that's the way it should be. He was my family before my kids ever were, and he is essential to my kids' emotional and developmental well-being. And that places my kids third in line. That doesn't mean I love them any less, it just means that my choices in life need to be prioritized correctly and I can never put my kids before my relationship with my husband.

Finally, coming in behind my family is my career, or future career, or extra-familial impact on the world around me, in whatever form that may be. And that career or whatever it is and becomes, should serve those things that stand higher on my list of priorities. That means, it should somehow serve the Kingdom of God and tangibly exhibit God's love for the world. It should also allow ample space for my family to grow and thrive.

As I think about the many forms that may take, and the life goals I have for myself, what I keep coming back to is rehabilitation for victims of the sex trade in Eastern Europe, and assisting in the effort to stop that trade. Unfortunately, I don't see how my current set of skills and expertise fit into that. So there lies the quandary. All the sincerity and good intentions in the world won't make a bit of difference.

I do want to be able to look back at my life when I'm 95 (optimistic, I know, but Eugene will outlive me), and see that I truly made a difference in the world. Of course I'll make a difference in my children's lives, and that alone is sufficient, but how else can I leave my footprint on the world? I'd like to look back and see that I affected long term change. I'd also like to know that God used me to do His will, and that other people's lives and eternal lives were impacted. We'll see how that plays out. But in the meantime, I still have to figure out what to do with today.

First day

Today was Sofi's first day of preschool. I took her to her classroom promptly at 9:30, walked away, and then drove off with nary a tear. Does that make me a bad mom? I wasn't skipping through the parking lot or singing Joy to the World either, but how can I leave my baby girl with near strangers and walk away unaffected? Maybe I wasn't totally unaffected. I did spend the rest of the day snapping at people who cut me off on the road, sulking, and doing my absolute best to avoid conversation with anyone. But the preschool had this nice little room set up for parents to sit and enjoy coffee and doughnuts while their children acclimated to their classrooms. There were designated "checkers" to go to different classrooms and check on nervous parents' kids. All the parents provided moral support for each other, and there were boxes of tissues strategically placed around the room. And then there's me. I darted straight out of Sofi's classroom, skipped the hospitality suite, and headed directly for my car. I didn't greet the ever-friendly greeters. I didn't make small talk with the other parents. I didn't even snag a doughnut and cup of coffee to go. I didn't look back.

Of course, I had a good excuse. I was late for my discipleship group at church. I was providing snacks today and was already 20 minutes late. But shouldn't it have been harder to leave my first born child in someone else's hands?

She loved it, by the way. She was excited to see her classroom and her teacher when we were down the hall, but when we got to the door and I gently pushed her inside, the waterworks started, on her end at least. But she loved it, in the end. She wants to go back now. In fact, when she 'woke up' from her 'nap,' her request was to go back to preschool and then go to bed after that. So, here's hoping Thursday goes smoothly.

Mean preschoolers

So, I took Sofi to preview day at her preschool (or Mothers' Morning Out program) - I'm not a hypocrite, I'm just sending her 2 mornings a week. That way, she gets the enrichment and social activity, and I can run my errands without dragging her around town whining and complaining. And, when she comes home I can be mentally there with her rather than going through my mental lists of what I need to get done.

So, this whole preschool thing... at preview day there was a little boy who wouldn't share with her. I want to give her coping mechanisms for that, so I told her to go and ask him to let her have a turn too, please, which she did with finesse and charm. But, the little bugger (I'm not biased, really) said no and walked off with the toy (which, by the way, he had just snatched from her sweet little hand). Sadly, she looked to me for wisdom, and hoping I'd solve the problem for her. I won't always be there though, so she needs to learn to cope, right? So I did my best to explain that not all boys and girls have learned how much fun it can be to share, so she would just have to show them and set a good example. Now, that's fine when I'm sitting next to her to give her comfort and courage, but what happens this Tuesday when I drop her off and drive away, leaving her with 8 other kids and 2 teachers? I'm sure the teachers won't see everything, and I don't want to teach Sofi to be a tattle-tale. It's amazing how young bullies start being bullies (and I don't mean to say that this little boy was a bully, but what if there is one in her class?) and in a class of 9 kids there are only 3 girls. I do so hope the girls accept her. Girls can be brutal! Cliques form at such a young age, and they only get worse as they grow up.

Sadly, even moms at the playground separate into groups based on the brand of stroller or diaper bag you have. Or the brand of shoes, brand of kids' clothes, or even whether you stopped at Chick Fil A for lunch or Wendy's, and of course there are those moms who took the time and energy to prepare a healthy picnic lunch before leaving the house - and our kids probably shouldn't even be neighbors with their kids on the swing-set - we might inadvertently tempt them to indulge in some sort of grease saturated junk food and then where would the world be?

We're all in this together, right? all the preschoolers starting for the first time are in the same boat - missing their moms and dads (and siblings if they're so blessed), in a new chaotic environment that seems at once exciting and threatening, and having to make new friends with strange kids when they don't even know how to make friends or even play together - really, they have to parallel play with strangers! So why can't they love each other and create a warm, fuzzy, supportive environment? Well, part 1, because they're not developmentally there. Part 2, and probably more important, because we moms and dads don't model the example enough for them. Can't we all just get along?

Okay, abandon the cliches, but really, if we want our kids to have better social skills, we have to make some effort to stop judging our own peers. And we also have to teach our kids that not everyone will like them. As sad as it sounds, and as much as I hate to admit it, not everyone will like my precious angels. And I need to teach them that's okay and give them the skills they need to cope with it. My first instinct is to tell Sofi before she goes to school that she'll make new friends and that all the kids will love her. But, I can't really make that promise, and frankly, there probably will be kids that don't like her. And it's my job to teach her that's okay, and to treat other kids with respect even if she doesn't like them. Eek! it's a harsh world out there, and I'm just not ready to share that harshness with my kids at such a young age! But sheltering them won't help either.

To be or not to be... a stay at home mom

What are the values I want to teach my kids? I want them to always have a sense of hunger, or unfulfilled desire - that there's always something they wish for that's just out of reach. I want them to learn the value of hard work, and that relationships take as much work and dedication as careers do. I want them to know that they can do anything, but that doesn't mean that they can do everything. I want them to know that we are all equal on this earth in terms of our value and self worth, but that each person has individual talents, weaknesses, privileges, and that equality doesn't always translate to fairness. Appreciation - for what they've earned and for what they've been given. Responsibility - for themselves, to others, and for the things they care about.

So the next big question is, how do I teach them these things? Is staying at home with them the best way to do it? Don't get me wrong, the idea of putting them in full-time daycare (or preschool as it's more p.c. to say) while I run off to my career gives me the heebeegeebies. I can't imagine dropping off my 2 year old and infant and driving away, not to see them for 8 or more hours. I don't know how working moms survive the trauma of it!

At the same time, I am enormously privileged just to have the choice. And I don't take that lightly, which is why I have to question the long term effect of my decision on my children, and their children after that.

What's really best for my kids? And is what's best for my kids also best for me? And my husband? The most profound influence I can have is most likely on my kids. And if I'm not there to be that influence, no one else will step up to the plate and teach them the values that I think they should have.

But, would being a stay at home mom unintentionally teach them other things that I don't want them to learn? Am I conveying a message to them that they're the center of my world, and by default the center of the world? (or, as they'd say in Romanian, the belly-button of the universe) Or, am I teaching them archaic role division, that men should earn a living and women should stay home? (I won't take time here to delve into that role division and why I chose 'archaic' to describe it) Where will they see an example of a successful woman who can balance a career and a family? And are starbucks and consignment sales just today's version of the ironing board and fresh baked pies that wives and mothers were so focused on 50 years ago?

Or, if staying at home isn't all it's cracked up to be, what are the alternatives? A full-time career would likely mean missing more than just lunch-times with my kids and sidewalk chalk murals. It would also likely mean missing PTA meetings, piano recitals, and field trips. Or, staying on the bottom rung of the proverbial career ladder in order not to miss those events. Alternatively, there's always part-time employment, but I know of no career that allows people to work part-time hours (or, let's face it, mere 40 hour work weeks) with any ambition of upward mobility.

All that leaves me wondering, what is more important - being available to my kids every waking hour (be it 2 in the afternoon or 2 in the morning), or showing my kids the importance of a fulfilling career and the potential to affect and influence the world around them? Or is there a way to do both?